How to Help Your Abused Friend

August 15, 2011 by Leave a Comment

There are many forms of abuse. Physical abuse is easily discernible. Verbal and emotional abuse are much more rampant, and more difficult to deal with because the scars are on the inside. Helping a friend through the process of accepting they have been abused and helping them heal takes patience, listening, and loving unconditionally.

First, your friend has to tell her story in her own way. Many times the abuse has gone on so long, and been so devastating that to protect herself she talks around it. Be ready to listen to the story several times. As she tells it and sees you are not upset, she will begin to tell more of what happened and how she feels.

Once trust is established, you can begin to talk about getting some help. Help can be in the form of a support group, counselor, or maybe someone who has been through something similar and recovered. Professional help can be sought by searching a site such as canada 411. It is important to note that your friend will not get better right away, but will ebb and flow through recovering, remembering, and withdrawing. This is part of the process.

Your friend will need you to create a positive environment. Doing kind things, reminding her what her gifts are and how you like them, and standing by her when she has to deal with an issue or let something out is giving her the support she needs to recover. Often, after a counselor visit your friend will need you. Sometimes after releasing some of the poison, your friend will feel unsettled as past thoughts and overwhelming emotions come up. Having a catch phrase such as, “It’s okay,” to say after an event releases the tension.

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Why Stay With Him?

July 31, 2011 by Leave a Comment
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An unfortunately large number of women have a tendency to stay with men who treat them badly. Sadly, these women will often stay with a man, even if they’re beaten and emotionally abused on a regular basis. For a lot of these women, it seems the answer comes down to a simple case of attraction.

Most of the decisions people make in life are caused by their chemistry, including who they find sexually attractive. When a man demonstrates certain traits, many women will find him irresistable no matter what he does. It may make a woman sound stupid, but it has nothing to do with how intelligent she is. It all comes down to the fact that she considers the man to be sexy. This carries the unfortunate brand of having brought it on herself, even though that isn’t the case at all. Generally an abuser does this to feel powerful, or because he only knows how to be in a relationship where he causes someone else pain in some form.

Unfortunately, far too many women simply can’t convince themselves to leave a man who still gives them a thrilling rush when he isn’t beating or shouting at them. These women aren’t wrong, and they aren’t stupid either. They’re just victimized by their upbringings and their DNA. Many women are hard-wired to seek out the kinds of traits that make a man good in a particular setting — our cave-dwelling ancestry — that also happen to make many men into abusers.

Filed Under: Dating, Domestic Abuse Tagged With: , ,

Defending Yourself Against A Domestic Abuser

June 30, 2011 by Leave a Comment

Domestic abuse is happening more and more each day and charges against domestic abuse are thankfully becoming a common thing. Majority of domestic abuse cases will involve police arresting the abuser after responding to a domestic dispute call. There are multiple types of domestic abuse that includes emotional, physical and psychological abuse.

It’s crucial to create a tight case when defending yourself against your abuser. Having a great lawyer is going to help you fight back.

Abuse cases that have physical evidence, photos or videos of her bruises, are harder to win, but in most cases a jury won’t side with the victim on emotional abuse. If you have photos of your bruises or a witness, it’s important to bring that information to your lawyer.

Your abuser might try and blame drugs and alcohol for his actions. If he’s abused either during your relationship it’s important to bring this up. While this isn’t an excuse for his actions, he could face jail time for the drug use.

Another common thing an abuser will try to tell the court is that he’ll change and seek counseling. Abusers won’t always change, it’s a vicious cycle and the only way to stop them is by taking action. This probably wasn’t a one-time thing and you won’t be his last victim. Going to go and filing charges against him will help warn other potential victims that he’s an abuser and to stay far away from him.

You were abused and no victim should have be smack, punched or verbally abused, no matter what. It’s important to do whatever it is that you can to make sure your abuser pays for the crime he did.You might also want to install some adt home security systems to ward off another potential abusive situation in the future.

Filed Under: Domestic Abuse, Mental Health Tagged With: , ,

THE DIRTY LEGAL SECRET

June 16, 2011 by Leave a Comment

One of the dirty little secrets of the United States legal system is the prevalence of sexual abuse and assault against Native American women. They are sexually assaulted two and one half times as often as any other group in America and they are also the most likely to be stalked.

Native women are more likely to be assaulted by men of another race; to sustain injuries during the assault; and to be gang raped.

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Because of long-standing cultural mistrust of law enforcement and the judicial systems, these victims are often hesitant to report the crime.

Even when victims report a rape to tribal police, there is often no response. Most reservations have small federal funded BIA (Bureau of Indian Affairs) Police forces and sexual assaults are not even investigated. Many of the Indian Health Service Centers –the first medical stop for most Native Americans- do not stock rape kits, so DNA evidence, vital for legal prosecution, is not collected.

The U.S. Department of Justice has recently acknowledged this problem with pilot projects for tribes to change the social and judicial climate around sexual assault. Grants now fund classes for law enforcement officers, encouraging tribes to change their legal codes to increase punishment for rapes, and to treat victims of domestic violence with sensitivity.

Tribal women themselves have started to band together to assist victims of assault and to demand action from law enforcement and the legal system. These women honor the survivors of sexual assault, sponsor educational programs, and lobby their tribes for changes in their legal codes to take sexual crimes seriously.

Filed Under: Sex, Sexual Abuse Tagged With: , ,

Breaking the Pattern

May 19, 2011 by Leave a Comment
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One problem that many abuse victims face is the tendency to go right back to an abusive relationship. Whether this means going back to the same relationship as before or entering a new relationship that is just as bad as the previous, this makes any recovery that has been made for nothing. Preventing future abuse is an important, though often undervalued, step to recovery.

When one is in an abusive relationship, there are several important steps to take in escaping the abuse. It is very important to escape the relationship and seek help, but one of the most under-appreciated steps in recovery in preventing the pattern to repeat itself.

In preventing abuse, it is important to identify certain patterns that hint at someone being potentially abusive. For example, abuse often comes from people that seem overly romantic, to the point of declaring “undying love” for you before your first date. Also, he or she might want to know where you are and what you are doing at any given time. This might seem like he or she is just interested in your life, but it is often a symptom of obsession, which often leads to abuse. Also, if he or she constantly complains about things, such as your weight or habits, this can lead to verbal abuse. Also be careful if a person has obvious anger issues, which are often first apparent as road rage or the like, since these issues are tell-tale signs of potential abuse.

If you believe you are in a relationship that could become abusive, seek help. You do not want to make the mistake of waiting.

Filed Under: Preventing, Sexual Abuse Tagged With: , ,

Preventing Child Abuse

March 24, 2011 by Leave a Comment

As a parent you do what ever you can to protect your children. The rate for child abuse and sexual abuse is at an all time high. For girls, one in four will experience sexual abuse before they turn 18 and one in six boys will be abused sexually before they’re 18. Most of child abuse cases were the result of a family member or friend abusing the kid.

It’s important to know what the warning signs would be for child abuse. It’s the main step in preventing your child from having to go through this. Many kids won’t completely understand what’s going on and they could be scared or embarrassed to say anything. This is why knowing the signs of child abuse are crucial in preventing it.

The biggest signs of child abuse would be redness or swelling in their genital area. They might also get a urinary tract infection. There are several emotional signs of abuse that would include depression, sudden anger and withdrawal.

If your child all of a sudden is too scared to be around a family member, ask why. That could be a sign that something’s happening.

If you’re suspecting that something is happening to your child, make sure he or she is never alone with another adult. Even is the adult is a person you know well, even trust. Often times your child will be abused by a close friend or family member, even a person you love and trust. That person will even do whatever they can to gain your trust and get alone time with your child.

Be open and honest. Talk to them about what abuse is and how it should never happen. Keep communicating with your child so they know they can talk to you about anything.

This is your child’s life you’re protecting, do what ever you can to prevent child abuse from happening.

Filed Under: Domestic Abuse, Preventing Tagged With: , ,

Coping With Abuse

March 20, 2011 by Leave a Comment
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Abuse is when someone is controlling or exerting power onto another person. This could be anything from physical and emotion violence to manipulation. The victim of abuse almost always knows her abuser. If you’re currently in a relationship that’s abusive, it’s important that you put an end to things so you’re not longer the victim.

If you’re scared to talk to a friend or family member, speak with a qualified professional at the National Domestic Abuse Hotline. People there have experience with abuse and everything is confidential. Getting advice on coping with abuse is the first step in healing from this ordeal.

Speaking with a psychologist will help you cope with abuse. Sometimes speaking with a professional who doesn’t know you is easier than speaking with your friend or parent. It’s important that you do talk to someone because dealing with abuse is going to take a toll on you emotionally and you shouldn’t have to go through it alone.

Abuse is never OK, no matter what. If your husband or boyfriend is being abusive, get out of the relationship. Contact your family and friends and ask for their support and help getting out of the situation.

When you’re getting out of your home it’s important to be as quick as possibly and make sure someone is with you. You’re in the middle of leaving an abuser and things could get bad if he returns home. Do this in the middle of the day and have someone with you. Have a plan with other people about what should be done if they don’t hear from you.

Joining a support group for people who were abused can really help in the process of moving on. You can speak openly about what you dealt with and how you’re feeling. These groups are full of people who are in the same situation as you and want to help.

Filed Under: General, Support group Tagged With: , ,

Helping A Victim Who Was Abused

March 16, 2011 by Leave a Comment

Domestic abuse is a violent crime going on all throughout the United States. About 4.8 million women will be raped or assaulted by someone they know. Almost 30 percent of women reported that their husband or boyfriend abused them. If you think your friend or someone in your family is being abused it’s important to step in and do what you can to help.

When you know for sure your friend is being abused it’s crucial that you confront her right away. But be prepared because she might be in denial and start feeling a little defensive. These are normal reactions, but she has to know what’s happening is a crime. Just remind her you’re concerned for her safety and you want to help her through this horrible time.

When a victim is talking to you about her abuse, it’s important for you to listen and offer support without being judgmental. Being abused by your husband is toxic to you both physically and emotionally. It’s important that your friend understands that this is not her fault. This might be difficult, but don’t talk horribly about the abuser, this is going to make her angry and decide not to talk to you about the situation.

Sit with your friend about creating an idea for her to get away from her abusive husband. A safety plan is something that will be used when you’re trying to get out of a horrible situation as quickly and safely as possible. Think of all the possible exits and time that she can get her things and move out of the home. A few law websites will say she should have a suitcase that has some clothes, money, social security cards, personal items, her banking items and any other important information she may need. Write down a list of people she can call if there’s an emergency.

Domestic abuse is a horrible situation for anyone to be in. If you know someone being abused it’s crucial that you step in and to help your friend or family member out of a bad situation.

Filed Under: Rehab, Support group Tagged With: , ,

Healing After Dealing With Sexual Abuse As A Child

March 9, 2011 by Leave a Comment

More people are finding that it’s hard dealing with the horrific fact that they were sexually abused as a child. There are aftereffects for anyone who experience abuse.

Most of the time as a child you’re repressing those horrible memories and you’ve been able to forget about it until you’re an adult. There are people who as adults remember vividly the sexual abuse they experience when they were a kid. Healing after dealing with sexual abuse as a child can be difficult for many people, but it’s something that in time will happen. As a child, you’re unable to fully understand what’s going on let alone know how to heal.

The first step in the healing process would be to admit that it happened and that it was a serious crime and you were horribly violated. Anyone who has experience any kind of abuse usually suffers from low self-esteem, which was caused from the abuser.

Going to a support group or therapist could help the healing process since talking about horrific events could help. A therapist will be there with you so you’re able to deal with the emotional pain and effects of being sexual abused when you were a kid. Keeping things built up inside is only going to make things worse.

There are more than just focus groups you can attend; you have the option to be part of a program that’s a 12-step that’s for survivors of sexual abuse.   There are many groups that hospitals and clinics are offering to those who were victims of sexual abuse as a child.

Some professionals have even said that writing in a journal is a great way for a victim to start their healing process. Sometimes people can’t share their thoughts out loud and writing about it could help. Another option would be to write multiple letters to your abusers. These letters won’t be mailed, it’s another way to speak your mind and be open and honest about how you’re feeling.

These are things that you can do when you’re trying to move on from being sexual abused.

Filed Under: Domestic Abuse, Sexual Abuse Tagged With: , ,

Escaping Your Abuser

March 7, 2011 by Leave a Comment

Domestic violence is when a person in a relationship is either emotional of physically harmed by their partner. The abuser will use violence in order to become the dominant one in the relationship. It’s important that anyone currently in an abusive relationship to leave that person as quickly as possible, but to stay safe.

If the violence is getting out of control, leave your place immediately. Head to your local crisis center or police station to seek help. The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence has a website that will list all their locations in your area.

As soon as you can, remember to change both your home number and cell phone. Only give the new number to those you trust. If he tries to contact you in any way, it’s important to document it as evidence for police.

With an abuse claims it’s important to have physical evidence. Without it, he could walk free. If you’ve got bruises, take photos. This is evidence that will help you put him behind bars if you make the brave decision to press charges.

If you think he could find you, figure out a new escape route. It’s best to not go into a room like your room, which has potential weapons.

If possible, get yourself a new routine. Go a different way to work and be sure to leave your home at a different time. It’s better to leave earlier than you normally do. These small changes could help keep your abuser away.

Speak with someone who has experience with domestic abuse. The only way to heal and move forward is to talk about it. They could also help you if you’re interested in pressing charges, but is too afraid too. File a permanent restraining order. This means your abuser can’t legally go within a certain amount of distance from you.

If you need to get items back from your abuser, do it in a public space and in broad daylight. If you can have a friend or someone else go with you and a precaution.

Filed Under: Domestic Abuse Tagged With: , ,
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