When one finally realizes that the abusive relationship they are in has exceeded the limits of endurance, what is the next step? Escape, obviously; but how does one manage that and stay safe? Even more important, how does one escape with children, while keeping them safe?

Escape from an abusive situation needs some serious planning. If you are involved with an abuser who has control of your bank account and credit cards, not to mention family automobiles and every second of your time, then planning is of the essence.

The first thing to do is to find one person you can trust who will help you from beginning to end. Next, gather important items and keep them in a safe place. This can include, necessary papers such as legal documents and financial records, extra keys, money, medications, and clothing. Anything that is of personal value to you must go into your “safety place” because once you leave, there is little chance of reclaiming anything that is left behind. If you are fearful of hiding these things in your home, then find a friend or family member that will keep them.

Next, get an alternative address, now; some place where future financial statements and important documents etc. can be sent to you. This is very important because if you change addresses after your escape, some institutions will send confirmation of your new address to your old address. You do NOT want your abusive partner finding out your new residence this way.

Find somewhere to escape to, whether it is distant friends or a shelter, and make arrangements. Open your own bank account with whatever money you can secret away. If you are taking children with you, it is probably a good idea to keep them in ignorance until you are all successfully relocated. A child might accidentally let the secret out before you are ready to make the move. In fact, it is a good idea to tell NO ONE except the one friend or family member who is helping you.