Recognizing The Signs of Abuse

February 3, 2011 by Leave a Comment

It’s unfortunate to report this, but the least reported crime is domestic violence because of the fear of the abuser coming back after them. The abuser has a strong mental control over their victim that the fear stops them from reporting it. If someone doesn’t report it, the victim has to rely on someone else recognizing the signs of abuse in hopes of being saved.

When it comes to recognizing the signs of abuse, it’s important, and I mean important, to make sure what you’re witnessing is abuse. Falsely accusing someone is a serious thing that could create problems in your friendship. Reporting abuse because of a “felling” your have with zero evidence can create a lot of problems for the parties involved.

Go online to find the number to a domestic abuse hotline. Many states offer toll-free numbers that you can call anonymously.

Bruises will be the most common sign of abuse. If you see any bruises around the eyes or throat, that’s a huge sign of domestic abuse. Other areas would include the arms, abs and thighs. If the bruises are in different shades, this means there’s been more than one occasion of abuse. Contact the police immediately if you see this because it’s a huge sign of abuse.

Once you’ve noticed the bruises, ask the person how the bruises got there. Don’t directly ask if they’re being abused because they could be in denial or get really nervous. The most used excuse abuse victims will use is that it was an “accident” or they “fell.”

Notice any changes in their personality? If they go from calm to defensive, that’s a big sign they’re being abused. Victims will also stop hanging around with friends and completely isolate themselves to only hanging out with their boyfriend.

If you’re sure your friend is being abused and you have proof, report it to police right away.

Filed Under: Disabilities, Domestic Abuse Tagged With: , ,

Different Types of Male Orgasmic Disorder

January 25, 2011 by Leave a Comment

Male orgasmic disorder is, as the name implies, the inability of a man to orgasm when he has sex.  While many people think that only women can have difficulties with reaching orgasm, a surprising number of men also can not come when they have sex.  This problem, while not extremely common and often very embarrassing, is one that may be treated through identifying which type it is.  There are two types of male orgasmic disorder: situational and pervasive.  And while they may appear to be the same at first glance, they have a few very important differences, both in their onset and in their treatment.  In order to treat anything, you need to understand as much about it as you possibly can.

Situational male orgasmic disorder is a condition in which a particular context of sex causes him to not be able to orgasm.  In the cases where he is not satisfied with his partner or does not find her sexually attractive, this is situational.  In a case where he has been under a lot of stress, and thus simply can not perform as he would like to, this is situational.  The good news about situational male orgasmic disorder is that it can be treated with relative ease.  You simply remove the problem’s cause, and the problem should cease in a relatively short time period.

However, it is a whole different situation when a man can never seem to orgasm.  If it has happened across multiple, completely satisfactory partners, and under multiple different types of situations, then it is a pervasive form of orgasmic disorder.  In cases such as this, medical testing followed by therapy is going to be the only way to find out for certain what the underlying cause of this orgasm problem is, and thus how it is ultimately going to get solved.  A pervasive problem is by nature not going to go away on its own.  But you can fix it.

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The Victim is Dead

January 8, 2011 by Leave a Comment

When a woman gets raped, a small part of her dies.  You can call it “innocence” if you want, but it is not really that in most cases.  It might be that a part of her naivete dies, as she finally realizes that in some cases she has been powerless for her entire life time.  Perhaps her self confidence falls into a sort of coma, as she no longer feels powerful and proud, and sinks into feeling weak and ashamed of what has gone on.  But while a part of the woman does die, another part is either born, or emerges with a newfound “strength”- the victim.  Every woman (and indeed, every person) has a victim inside of themselves, which is given a sickly sort of power to come out and gloat over their powerlessness after an event like being raped.  Fortunately, this victim can be killed.

While it might sound harsh to want to “kill” the victim, this is not the case at all.  As a matter of fact, killing your inner victim does not hurt anything about you.  Rather, it strengthens you to continue onward in your life, as your inner victim’s energy is absorbed, and can be redirected toward more useful pursuits (like just about anything).  But of course, killing your inner victim is not simply a matter of doing affirmations or visualizing its death.

Your inner victim feeds on your sense of self doubt.  When you doubt yourself, you put up blocks in your path to any kind of positive progress.  Often, after a terrible event like being raped, a person actually begins to believe that they are not worthy of achieving any kind of success in life.  In order to kill the victim, you have got to take control of your life as much as you possibly can.  So freelance, volunteer, take self defense classes, learn to shoot guns- just do something that makes you feel powerful and in control.

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Denying Rape Leads to Long-Term Consequences

December 21, 2010 by Leave a Comment

Rape is most prevalent among young women, with men being the perpetrators. However, both men and women of all ages are potential victims of rape. Rape itself is physically, emotionally, and psychologically damaging. Often times, a victim is too embarrassed to come forward, based on the circumstances. For example, a young college student raped after drinking might feel that she somehow deserved being victimized. However, telling yourself things like this is not helpful, and you do not do yourself any justice.

Rape victims are never at fault, though feelings of guilt are common. In many cases, instances of rape go unreported and the victim is left with the aftermath. Although it may not seem like a big deal at first, the emotional and psychological damage of rape can be prevalent in your life for years to come if you do not address the issues. Former rape victims are often isolated and angry. In addition, they have a difficult time forming relationships, and can have a disdain towards women or men, depending on the gender of the original perpetrator.

If you are a past rape victim, there are still ways to get help even long after you are able to make a case against a perpetrator. Rape cases are only dismissed due to a lack of evidence. Try talking to a close relative or friend. If you are in a situation where your family tries to hide the incident, then they are not helping you, but actually hindering your efforts of recovering from rape trauma.

There are a plethora of counselors that can help rape victims recover from the psychological damage left by the perpetrator. Do not avoid counseling for fear that you cannot afford it. There is help available sometimes at no cost through interpersonal counseling as well as through telephone hotlines. Victims never deserve rape or the following personal impacts.

Filed Under: Disabilities, Sexual Abuse Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

How To Protect Your Young Children From Rape And Sexual Abuse?

November 22, 2010 by Leave a Comment

Is your son or daughter beginning to move around independently without your constant guidance? There comes an age when the child is no longer interested in being accompanied by the parent all the time. If you try to stick around despite this, you will end up being tagged as a conservative parent and will become a source of embarrassment for your child. However, there is no denying that there are too many risks involved in letting the child to move around without any adult supervision.

A trip to the movie in the nearby mall can become a huge security risk if the child is not cautious. It is a big bad world out there and no amount of self denial is going to change it. In such a scenario, it is very important to arrange for safety of the child from threat of rape and sexual abuse.

Do not expect others to agree with your risk assessment. You cannot ask the child to take care of these things. They need more exposure and maturity to understand the implications of such events on their life. Of course, you can set the ground rules and insist that the child should not talk to strangers. However, you cannot simply trust the child to take care of these issues. You have to be proactive until you are satisfied that the child is smart enough to take care of these things.

Take advantage of technology. Combine it with strict discipline. Give a cell phone to your child to ensure constant contact. Establish a curfew time and insist on strict obedience. It is better to err on side of caution to reduce risk of rape and sexual abuse. Remember, these precautions are applicable to your girl ball as well as your body. Do not simply presume that boys are free of risk because they happen to be male.

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Filed Under: Disabilities, Sex, Sexual Abuse Tagged With: , ,

Teach Your Child How To Avoid Date Rape – Some Useful Pointers

November 16, 2010 by Leave a Comment
date rape carrot
Image by Foxtongue via Flickr

If your child is beginning to date, it is very important to explain what date rape is and how it can be avoided. Do not presume that your child is completely free of this risk because he or she is going out along with friends. All it takes is a single drink mixed with narcotics or drugs to cause your child to become unconscious. If nobody is aware of such a possibility, a date rape can easily result despite many friends being present.

Do not just focus on your child. You should make sure that all the friends of your children are also aware of the possibility of date rape. You must explain what it is and how it is normally perpetrated. You should warn about the consequences of accepting a drink from a stranger. You should explain the importance of having friends who can look out for each other.

It is one thing to have a lot of fun on a night out. However, it is a completely different thing to go around purposefully looking for trouble. You should encourage your child to have lots of fun but should also warn about the harmful consequences of meeting and getting intimate with strangers.

Make sure that you provide this information to your male child as well. Your male child may not be at high risk but knowledge may prove useful in helping others being targeted.

Making use of online resources to provide more information and to clarify doubts a smart move. However, do not make the mistake of using the internet as your replacement. It is not just a question of information and knowledge. It is also a question of establishing close bonds and telling the child that you are there no matter what happens. If the child sees you feeling uncomfortable, it may bypass you when it has doubts or needs support.

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Filed Under: Disabilities, Domestic Abuse, Rehab Tagged With: , ,

How Can You Help A Victim Of Domestic Abuse? Some Pointers

November 14, 2010 by Leave a Comment

You may feel a sense of frustration at the fact that you are not a position to help your friend or relative suffering from domestic abuse. You may not be financially well off or may not have a contacts in the world of law enforcement. However, this does not mean you cannot help your friend facing the problem of domestic abuse.

For starters, the mere fact that you are there to listen to what your friend has to say makes a huge difference. The individual who has been abused and suppressed will often try to accommodate what others have to say. They will subject their own opinion and thought to the thoughts of others. In such a scenario, encouraging your friend to speak out and encouraging a friend to have an opinion can be a first step towards recovery.

You may not be an expert in legal matters. However, this does not mean you cannot help your friend get support. Just a quick search on the internet is sufficient to provide detailed information about the various organizations working towards this goal.

From organizations that provide emotional and psychological support to other organizations that initiate legal action against the abuser-there are many solutions available online. You can do this on your own and provide information to your friend so that he or she knows what steps to take and how to overcome the problem.

If your friend has kids, you can take up the task of distracting them from the crisis at hand. Of course, the psychological impact of watching their parent being abused will not go very soon. However, your efforts to restore normalcy and treat them like normal kids is it definitely going to help.

It is important to stay there irrespective of your financial and other abilities. As long as you are there and your friend knows that you can be trusted, it will help him or her tackle the problem faster.

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Filed Under: Disabilities, Domestic Abuse Tagged With: , ,

Having An Ego Is Essential To Recover From The Problem Of Domestic Abuse

November 12, 2010 by Leave a Comment

Most individuals underestimate the extent of damage they have suffered due to sexual or domestic abuse. There are innumerable instances where healthy relationships have gone awry because of the person is past experience with abuse. When individual finally walks out of an abusive relationship, he or she invariably loses trust on all human relationships.

This means that the friends and relatives who have supported the victim often end up getting ignored and even insulted. You must understand that this is not intentional. Rather, it is an attempt by the individual to restore balance. The fact that your support was required is obviously going to hurt the ego of the individual.

This may sound paradoxical but the truth is that a person who was willing to submit to domestic abuse from their partner will not be pleased about the fact that he or she has obtained favors from you. You must encourage this paradox because this is the best way to set the individual on the path of recovery. You cannot be there all the time to protect the person from abuse. Rather, you will have to inflate the ego and the confidence of the individual to such an extent that he or she never accepts abuse again.

Former counseling may be required if the extent of abuse has been ongoing for very long time. Do not overestimate your capacity to understand the extent of the problem. Your desire to make everything all right very quickly may work counter productive.

In some cases, it is necessary for the individual to introspect and brood over the loss suffered. This may run contrary to your desires and expectations. Rather than enforcing your view, it is better to have a formally trained counselor take over the task. You can do your bit by directing the individual to the right counselor for maximum benefits.

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Filed Under: Disabilities, Domestic Abuse Tagged With: , ,

What Is Domestic Abuse? Do Not Be Too Technical About The Whole Issue

November 7, 2010 by Leave a Comment

Your spouse has just got a fantastic job with a promotion and a he pay rise despite the recession. He or she requests you to quit your temporary job and move with him or her so that you can start life a fresh. You refuse. This leads to arguments and altercations. Can you say that you are a victim of domestic abuse because you’re not given the permission to follow your own career?

Well, if this issue is considered literally, there’s no doubt that you are a victim of domestic abuse. However, your lack of understanding and lack of desire to help the partner progress in career can be construed as domestic abuse. It can be described as abuse by you against your partner.

The issue is important because it affects the mental and physical well being of the individual. Remember, every relationship will have ups and downs because of disagreement between the partners. It need not necessarily qualify for domestic abuse.

Frequently accusing your partner of abuse and threatening to initiate legal action may itself qualify as a symptom of abuse on your part. Rather than focusing on legalities, you should focus on the health of your relationship. There are many couples that have numerous disagreements and yet continue to love each other and respect each other.

If you are satisfied with your relationship and if you feel that you have complete opportunity to live your life the way you want, then you would obviously conclude that such disagreements do not qualify as abuse.

However, if you are losing your individual entity and if you are merely becoming a puppet in the hands of your partner, there’s no doubt that it is very bad situation to be in. Your physical and mental health is going to be affected and you should take remedial action immediately.

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Filed Under: Disabilities, Domestic Abuse Tagged With: , ,

Who Says That Educated And Empowered Cannot Become Victims Of Abuse?

November 5, 2010 by Leave a Comment

Many persons believe that they cannot be victims of domestic abuse because they are educated, employed and having a life of their own. Further, they equate physical violence with domestic abuse. Since there is no physical violence, they conclude that they are not being abused in any manner.

Well, any person who is asked to hand over complete financial control to the other partner and who has not given the freedom to have a say in these matters is also a victim of abuse. Remember, excessive control is also a form of abuse.

This often leads to confusing thoughts because there are numerous instances where we have seen other persons in relationships being controlled by their partners. Well, whether the control is excessive enough to qualify for abuse is something that only you can decide. However, it is better to err on the side of caution.

If your partner is loving and caring and if he or she is simply excessively cautious as far as finance are concern, then it may not be abuse. If you have the freedom of taking your own decisions provided you consider what the other person has to say, it cannot be called as abuse. Of course, if you are given choice only for namesake and if you have no option but to obey whatever the other partner says, then it may qualify as domestic abuse.

Rather than focusing on semantics and rather than trying to get into detailed interpretation, you should look for combination of various factors to control whether the relationship itself is abusive or not.

If excessive control is combined with loss of temper, humiliating behavior and even perverse sexual demands in bed, it is obvious that your relationship is suffering from abuse. On the other hand, if none of these factors are present and if there is only a certain level of control in financial matters, it is merely over caution on the part of your partner.

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Filed Under: Disabilities, Domestic Abuse Tagged With: , ,
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