How to Help Your Abused Friend

August 15, 2011 by Leave a Comment

There are many forms of abuse. Physical abuse is easily discernible. Verbal and emotional abuse are much more rampant, and more difficult to deal with because the scars are on the inside. Helping a friend through the process of accepting they have been abused and helping them heal takes patience, listening, and loving unconditionally.

First, your friend has to tell her story in her own way. Many times the abuse has gone on so long, and been so devastating that to protect herself she talks around it. Be ready to listen to the story several times. As she tells it and sees you are not upset, she will begin to tell more of what happened and how she feels.

Once trust is established, you can begin to talk about getting some help. Help can be in the form of a support group, counselor, or maybe someone who has been through something similar and recovered. Professional help can be sought by searching a site such as canada 411. It is important to note that your friend will not get better right away, but will ebb and flow through recovering, remembering, and withdrawing. This is part of the process.

Your friend will need you to create a positive environment. Doing kind things, reminding her what her gifts are and how you like them, and standing by her when she has to deal with an issue or let something out is giving her the support she needs to recover. Often, after a counselor visit your friend will need you. Sometimes after releasing some of the poison, your friend will feel unsettled as past thoughts and overwhelming emotions come up. Having a catch phrase such as, “It’s okay,” to say after an event releases the tension.

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Coping With Abuse

March 20, 2011 by Leave a Comment
"North Hampton is a Domestic violence fre...

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Abuse is when someone is controlling or exerting power onto another person. This could be anything from physical and emotion violence to manipulation. The victim of abuse almost always knows her abuser. If you’re currently in a relationship that’s abusive, it’s important that you put an end to things so you’re not longer the victim.

If you’re scared to talk to a friend or family member, speak with a qualified professional at the National Domestic Abuse Hotline. People there have experience with abuse and everything is confidential. Getting advice on coping with abuse is the first step in healing from this ordeal.

Speaking with a psychologist will help you cope with abuse. Sometimes speaking with a professional who doesn’t know you is easier than speaking with your friend or parent. It’s important that you do talk to someone because dealing with abuse is going to take a toll on you emotionally and you shouldn’t have to go through it alone.

Abuse is never OK, no matter what. If your husband or boyfriend is being abusive, get out of the relationship. Contact your family and friends and ask for their support and help getting out of the situation.

When you’re getting out of your home it’s important to be as quick as possibly and make sure someone is with you. You’re in the middle of leaving an abuser and things could get bad if he returns home. Do this in the middle of the day and have someone with you. Have a plan with other people about what should be done if they don’t hear from you.

Joining a support group for people who were abused can really help in the process of moving on. You can speak openly about what you dealt with and how you’re feeling. These groups are full of people who are in the same situation as you and want to help.

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What to Do When Your Teen Asks for Birth Control

December 18, 2010 by Leave a Comment

Oral contraception, better known as the birth control pill, is purportedly 99% effective against pregnancy. Birth control pills are taken on a daily basis and are the most effective when taken at the same time of day. It can be obtained from a gynecologist, college health centers if you are a student, and clinics such as Planned Parenthood.

Birth control pills are a good tool for sexually active women who do not desire a pregnancy at this point in their lives. So what do you do when your teenager asks for oral contraception? Although the thought of your daughter being sexually active may seem irksome, it is a fact that teenagers have sex and share some of the same physical and emotional desires as adults.

If you have already talked to your teen about sex, you are off to a good start. Being open about such a serious matter decreases the chance of unwanted pregnancies and STDs. Do not be concerned if you did not know your teen was sexually active before she asked for birth control. This may be her way of telling you. Or, perhaps, she is thinking about having sex and wants to have options to protect herself.

When your teen asks for oral contraception, talk to her about why she wants to be sexually active and help her make sure it’s for all of the right reasons. Examples of wrong reasons include to please a boy or because of peer pressure. Take her to a doctor for a check-up and so that she can become educated on all of her options. Ensure that she knows oral contraceptives do not protect her against STDs and HIV. To play it safe, her boyfriend should wear condoms.

The best thing you can do is offer support to help protect your teen. The worst thing you can do is to forbid her from sex. She will likely find a way and may end up facing the consequences.

Filed Under: Domestic Abuse, General Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Trying to Beat a Tobacco Addiction

November 18, 2010 by Leave a Comment
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Addiction is a horribly debilitating affliction. You cannot control your actions, and you feel propelled to do something that you know is destructive for your body and your mind. One of the most ruthless of all addictions is the addiction to tobacco. It is the most pervasive additive substance in the world today. It can be attributed to over four hundred thousand deaths every year, and yet, the people who have this addiction are still helpless to do anything about it.

There are millions of people who would like to quit smoking but believe they can’t. The nicotine found in tobacco is one of the most addictive substances known to man. Its withdrawal effects are legendary and include weight gain, irritability, nausea, anxiety, and headaches. For those that would like to quit, it can take up to 8 to 12 weeks for these withdrawal symptoms to subside.

No matter how difficult the symptoms, the benefits of quitting smoking cannot be disputed. Within hours of quitting, your body begins to repair the damage inflicted upon it. Within 20 minutes, your blood pressure begins to return to normal. Within eight hours, the oxygen levels in your blood increase to normal. Within three months, your lung capacity is up by 30 percent. And by five years, your lung cancer death rate drops by half.

To quit smoking, especially for long-time smokers, a concerted effort is required. You need to decide what type of effort would work best for you. Some people truly can quit cold turkey and never look back. However, the majority of smokers must be weaned off of the habit of cigarettes. A good investment would be electronic cigarette starter kits. These machines will help you get the nicotine fix you are craving without the other negative chemicals. Over time, you can diminish the dosage of the nicotine so you don’t crave it anymore.

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Prescription Drug Abuse Can Lower Inhibitions

September 19, 2010 by Leave a Comment

Prescription drug abuse can make a person do things they normally wouldn’t if thought processes and inhibitions weren’t affected by the drug. For example, a man who would ordinarily be able to suppress inappropriate thoughts or feelings of a sexual nature may find himself acting on those feelings while under the influence of a prescription drug.

This can lead to the commission of sexual crimes, such as rape, sexual battery, or other forms of sexual abuse. And, even if the sex is consensual, the lowering of inhibitions and loss of control over emotions may cause the act to take a violent turn. This can lead to the partner suffering severe physical injury that might otherwise not have occurred.

On the other side of the coin, prescription drug abuse can cause a person to be unable to repel sexual advances, or be unable to defend herself against a violent sexual act. If judgment and physical reactions were not affected by prescription drug abuse, the risk of such an ordeal happening could have been lowered.

For this reason, it is important that anyone who is addicted to prescription drugs seek help at a prescription drug rehab center. This is especially true if one is aware that the tendency toward violence already exists, and knows that the prescription drug abuse can make it worse. It is better to voluntarily allow admission into a facility that can provide the help one needs in the way that one wishes to receive it than to have to do so while under incarceration for a violent crime.

Similarly, a person who knows that prescription drug abuse causes more vulnerability, both physically and emotionally, would be wise to seek help at such a facility before an episode occurs that leads to permanent injury or even death. As long as a person is alive, the possibility that help can be obtained will exist.

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Lifestyle Changes and Prescription Drug Treatment for Blood Pressure Health

August 24, 2010 by Leave a Comment

It is very important to control your blood pressure if you have been diagnosed with that ailment. High blood pressure can lead to more serious conditions and complications such as heart disease. Medical professionals say that a blood pressure of 140/90 is optimal. However, if a patient also has kidney disease or diabetes, a lower rate is desirable.

You can control and lower your blood pressure lifestyle changes. You may also need a prescription drug treatment as well.

Eating a healthy diet is one of the major ways to lower blood pressure. A healthy diet can also reduce the risk of developing problematic pressure rates. Reduce the intake of fats and cholesterol and increase the intake of fruits, vegetables, and whole grains.

Today’s sodium intake recommendation is to consume no more than 2.4 grams of sodium a day. Studies show that people with an intake of less than 1,500 mg per day can lower their blood pressure.

Eating a healthy diet and reducing salt should help with the next step of maintaining a good body weight. Overweight people are at a higher risk for blood pressure complications. Losing weight will almost always lower your blood pressure.

Getting on a regular exercise plan will also reduce your blood pressure. If you haven’t been exercising regularly, check with your physician and then start slow. Try to work up to 30 to 60 minutes of daily exercise.

Quitting smoking and reducing your alcohol intake will also help you achieve a better blood pressure. We all know the effects of tobacco — heart disease, cancer, and more — so there’s no reason not to quit. In addition to reducing the harmful effects of alcohol (damage to the liver, brain, and heart), reducing alcohol intake can help reduce calories that will help in maintaining that healthy weight goal.

Following these tips will lower your blood pressure as well as help your overall health.

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When a Friend is Being Abused

August 19, 2010 by Leave a Comment
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So, you suspect that a dear friend is a victim of domestic abuse; you seen suspicious signs such as your friend’s inability to spend time with you or to even see family. There have been unaccountable bruises or your friend has sustained an injury that they are hiding. Your suspicion is growing into a pretty sure knowledge that something is amiss.
The burning question that rises to the surface is: should you do something about this and, if so, what steps should you take? These are good questions because if your friend is in an abusive situation, it is essential that they receive help. However- escape from such an environment needs to be done carefully or the victim may be put in an even more precarious situation than they are presently in.
Here is a list of Must Do’s:
Do talk to your friend; tell them your concerns and most important: LISTEN.  Do offer your support and help, if they need it. Do let them know you care about them.
NEVER do the following:
Never wait for them to speak to you about their situation. Never place blame anywhere or on anyone; never put pressure on your friend to take action. And, above all, NEVER give advice.
A victim of abuse needs to know that they are cared about and supported but they can be put in very dangerous circumstances if bullied and cajoled into making a move before they are ready. Abusers are controllers. It is probable that the abuser controls every aspect of your friend’s life. In order for victims to successfully remove themselves from such a scenario, they must first come to grips with their situation. Then there must be careful planning, on their part, in order to escape from the abuser’s control.
So, be a friend; listen; offer support, and be there when they’re in need. Be there when they’re ready.
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Filed Under: Domestic Abuse, General, Mental Health, Sexual Abuse Tagged With: , ,

Domestic Abusers Know What They Are Doing

August 17, 2010 by Leave a Comment
It's More than Violence
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One of the most interesting aspects of domestic abuse is the fact that abusers are usually able to control their behavior.
“Huh? How can that be?” You ask. “Aren’t abusers as much of a victim as the victims they control or hurt?”
The answer, in most cases, is probably not.  Most abusers can control their behavior and they do it all the time. You see, abusers choose whom they will abuse.  Many times, in one relationship, a partner will be as meek as a lamb; yet when they change relationships, they suddenly become the unyielding controller and can even move into violence.
An abuser looks for someone that he/she can control; someone who will be willing to belong to only them in the beginning throes of a relationship. Many times a victim will think this is simply romance without the understanding that the situation has a dangerous potential to turn from the ultimate dream into a nightmare.
The controlling romantic can morph overnight into a complete control freak over every detail in the victim’s life. The abuser will no longer allow the victim to see friends and family. The abuser will take total control over the money.  Sometimes an abuser will even take complete charge of the job or education of the victim. Control may mean that one can no longer even drive the family car or use the phone.
Abusers may treat their victims well in public and tear them to shreds, verbally in private. Abusers also know how to hit their victims carefully so that no bruise shows to the outside world. Abusers are also capable of stopping their abuse if it is of benefit to them, personally.
If the police are at the door, you can bet that a domestic abuser will be on their best behavior.
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The Common Pattern of Domestic Abuse

August 15, 2010 by Leave a Comment
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Just like the circle of life, there is a definite circle in the pattern of abuse that, if left alone, will continue to turn, and keep on turning, until the abuse victim has escaped or is dead.  As this pattern is a circle, it is not always easy to identify a beginning, so let’s just start at what we might consider the normal part of this cycle.
The abuser has usually just repented of horrible verbal, emotional, and even physical abuse. Everything becomes perfect and it is so wonderful to the victim to see how much their partner truly loves them. At this phase nothing is too good for the injured party and the abuser does all in his/her power to make life beautiful.
In the next stage, the abuser becomes dissatisfied and every movement the victim makes is cause for the abuser to plan revenge.
The circle continues as the abuser then sets up the victim to commit a “wrong”. This could be anything from taking too long at the store to spending too much time with family. The abuser will justify any action or non-action to accuse the victim of anything ranging from insolence to immorality.
The circle then moves into insulting, belligerent, and ranting behavior that many times turns into aggression and violence. After the victim has been thoroughly chastised, mentally, emotionally, and physically, the next part of the pattern circles around to focus on the abuser’s guilt.
At this point the abusing partner seems filled with horrible guilt and remorse; they cannot do enough to show how sorry they feel. (Of course, he/she may also be worrying about what might happen if the proper authorities were to find out the extent of their abusive actions.)
And then we circle around once more to the point of forgiveness and normalcy- and off we go again.
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Filed Under: Domestic Abuse, General, Mental Health Tagged With: , , ,

What is the First Clue in Discovering Abuse?

August 13, 2010 by Leave a Comment
What is the first clue in discovering abuse? The first clue is that sickening feeling that makes one want to hide or in extreme cases, run- run as fast and as far away as possible. It is that feeling that crashes in on top of everything and almost paralyzes you. It is that gut-wrenching sensation that makes you physically ill and terrified to move.
It’s called fear.
If you have a fear of your spouse or partner; if you feel that nothing you do is right in their presence and that you must walk a very thin line to keep the peace; if you feel that at any minute you will do something to cause a domestic explosion, then it is time to pay attention to those feelings!
Fear of one’s spouse or partner is the first sign that you may have a domestic abuse problem. If you are experiencing this fear then it is time to take a serious look at your relationship and understand what is going on and how you got there.
In this case, fear is a good thing. It can cause a victim to wake up and pay attention; it can bring one to the point of understanding and acknowledging that something is not right in their domestic relationship.
This is not an easy thing to admit or adjust to. Many times a victim will blame themselves for any domestic abuse in their home. Fear can actually clear the victim’s head and help them to see that the circumstances in which they find themselves are not desirable or healthy. Fear can help a victim to desire a change from abuse so much that they will actually make it happen.
If you feel fear in your relationship, then trust it. The life you save may be your own.
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