General | Rape and Sexual Abuse Support Center

Violence and Abuse Can Surface in all Genres of Domestic Relationships.

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As much as one might like to ignore or excuse domestic abuse, this unfortunate phenomenon seems to exist in every kind of conceivable relationship. From heterosexual marriages to same-sex relationships to living-together couples, domestic violence and abuse does and will happen when there is one partner who seeks to control the other.

And domestic abuse is about the control of one human being over another. Abuse is verbal, emotional and can escalate into physical violence. This control comes in all forms and the purpose is to deny the victim any power over their life. The abuser demands control over the utmost details. This can include things like who the victim sees and who they can speak to, money, transportation, sometimes even the clothes they wear. This kind of spousal abuse occurs in every age group, financial status, and culture.

Not only can domestic violence and abuse happen to anyone, the abuser can be female as well as male. Yet, many times, this aspect of the abuse problem is often overlooked, excused, or denied. Some studies indicate that women abuse as much as men. The biggest difference in the abuse is that domestic violence generating from a woman is usually not as lethal as when a man is the abuser.

In 99% of abuse cases, a female victim will be treated with sympathy and concern; she will receive help and sanctuary. However many male victims are treated with contempt, disdain, or worse, ignored. Because of this most men do not report abuse and are denied needed help because of ridicule from those who should and can help.

A fact that modern society must come to terms with is that abuse is a problem that crosses every life style and every sexual orientation. It causes pain suffering and trauma. This is true even if the victim is male.

Medical Monitoring Devices: Buying the Right Finger Pulse Oximeter

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A finger pulse oximeter is used to measure your heart rate and your oxygen levels. You can use it for exercising, or you can use it just to monitor your medical condition if you have health concerns. These devices aren’t difficult to find, much like blood pressure cuffs, blood sugar monitors, and thermometers, but you want to get the right ones. Take a close look at the medical monitoring device you’re considering buying, and make sure that it comes with some kind of warranty. You don’t want to be out the money for it if it doesn’t work right for some reason. The warranty should be for at least a year. If there’s a card to fill out for it, make sure you do that.

Also, make sure you’re buying your monitoring devices from a reputable company. That can really help if there’s a problem with any of them. You shouldn’t have to fight for your money back or a replacement as long as you’ve gone with a company that you can trust. If you’re not sure what company you should be using, ask around. Do your research thoroughly, in order to make sure that you’re getting the right thing and that you’re getting it for a price that’s reasonable and appropriate. You don’t want to pay too much.

You can always ask your doctor for a recommendation as to which monitoring devices you should get, too. He or she probably knows which companies will be best, or can at least tell you what to look for and what price range you should be looking in. If you have a medical condition that needs monitoring, or if you’re starting an exercise program, you should be consulting with your doctor. During that visit, ask about different devices so you can get a better idea of which one you should buy.

Filed Under: General, Mental Health Tagged With: Blood pressure, Medical monitor, Pulse oximeter

Financial Ramifications for Victims of Domestic Abuse

When a victim succeeds in getting away from the abuse, it is through serious planning and working a tight schedule. Because an abuser is always in control of the victim, it takes some very dedicated detailed planning for a victim to actually make a successful escape.

One of the hardest issues to resolve in making an escape from an abusive partner is in the area of finances. The normal financial outcome for abuse victims is that money is non-existent. The abuser controls everything and this includes finances, both household and personal.

Victims of abuse, who have been under the thumb of their partner for a long time, will usually find that there are no bank accounts in their name; no identity and no cash. Escaping is very difficult without the cash to do so. Many abuse victims become homeless.

Victims that escape with their children, face a double whammy as they try to find shelter and comfort for their children as well as themselves. Another serious problem that adds to the strain of escape is the fact that the victim will have to get a job; most abuse victims have little or no training in work and have been under guard for years. This one item can keep many abuse victims from leaving their awful situation, as lack of finances can be quite formidable as well as frightening.

Although there are agencies that offer assistance, many times there are too many abuse victims for these agencies to handle.

Leaving an abusive relationship is an incredible act of bravery and tenacity. One cannot simple walk away from an abusive partner without fear of pain and punishment as well as possible loss of life. In order to escape, a victim must plan carefully and thoroughly, as they will never be able to return.
When a victim succeeds in getting away from the abuse, it is through serious planning and working a tight schedule. Because an abuser is always in control of the victim, it takes some very dedicated detailed planning for a victim to actually make a successful escape.
One of the hardest issues to resolve in making an escape from an abusive partner is in the area of finances. The normal financial outcome for abuse victims is that money is non-existent. The abuser controls everything and this includes finances, both household and personal.
Victims of abuse, who have been under the thumb of their partner for a long time, will usually find that there are no bank accounts in their name; no identity and no cash. Escaping is very difficult without the cash to do so. Many abuse victims become homeless.
Victims that escape with their children, face a double whammy as they try to find shelter and comfort for their children as well as themselves. Another serious problem that adds to the strain of escape is the fact that the victim will have to get a job; most abuse victims have little or no training in work and have been under guard for years. This one item can keep many abuse victims from leaving their awful situation, as lack of finances can be quite formidable as well as frightening.
Although there are agencies that offer assistance, many times there are too many abuse victims for these agencies to handle.

Filed Under: Domestic Abuse, General Tagged With: Child abuse, Homelessness, Psychological abuse, Violence and Abuse

Combining Car Insurance with Medicine and Health

There are many people today who worship doctors. They do this to a point of believing doctors have the answers to all ailments and pain. These individuals are looking to get the best health insurance, car insurance with medical coverage, and more, all so they can have access to the latest treatments. However, no doctor can erase all affects of sexual abuse–physical or emotional. We must understand the problem of sexual abuse and seek out those who can support the victims.

There is nothing wrong with this, except that it can take the focus off of personal responsibility and looking at possible alternative treatments. The line we must walk is, “Well, we have insurance, so I’m going to the doctor.” We may have insurance, but the pain or complaint may also not rise to the level of medical attention. Again, you should not ignore a medical issue, and these often presents itself with pain. Early detection is the key to effective treatment.

But we must take responsibility for our health, and that means doing research about our symptoms. Another reason for doing the work is that we can give a more accurate evaluation of our pain, our symptoms, and the frequency of our ailments. From that information, any medical professional will be able to more accurate identify the problem and appropriate treatment.

We may be losing some of the supply of medical doctors as the new health care insurance program becomes a reality. This is because the small doctors will not have the ability to process all the required paperwork. Because of this, we must take responsibility and research our conditions, both for education and long term preparation.

Medicine does not give health. Medicine relieves symptoms and may alleviate a condition. Feeding the body with nutrients and extra supplements may correct a problem, or at least change the body’s balance to give it the opportunity to heal itself. However, you should not forsake medicine and the resources that the medical profession can provide in favor of supplements. Just keep personal responsibility on the table.

Filed Under: General Tagged With: Health, Insurance, Medicine

Ways to Avoid the Smoking Ban Using the Electric Cigarette

Many states have put into effect public smoking bans, which make it incredibly difficult for smokers to enjoy their favorite activity while out in public. However there are a few ways around this ban that can make smokers quite happy.

Although many restaurants can’t afford to install the high powered exhaust fans needed to properly ventilate a smoking section under the specifications of most states, many of them can afford to install outside patio seating. While smokers cannot smoke indoors, many restaurants have found their way around the ban by starting an outdoor smoker’s section. Finding bars and restaurants with these set up, particularly in warmer states, can make the dining experience enjoyable for smokers again.

One newer trend is the electric cigarette. Electronic cigarettes are said to supply the smoker with the same amount of nicotine without the harmful chemicals contained in cigarettes, and with none of the second hand smoke. This means that electric cigarettes can be “smoked” wherever the user pleases, as they are flameless and would not fall under the jurisdiction of most smoking bans.

Finally, smokers who are trying to quit or who just need enough to get by can use nicotine gum. While many smokers complain that the nicotine in the gum does not satisfy the long-term urges and desires of smokers, chewing a piece while in a bar or restaurant can more than adequately curb cravings for at least an hour or so, or until the chewer feels like going outside for a smoke. While not a perfect solution, it will help, and since most nicotine gum is over-the-counter, anyone can pick up a box.

While whether or not the smoking ban infringes on the rights of smokers remains to be seen. Smokers still have several options while operating from within the ban to make sure they get the enjoyment they need.

Filed Under: General, Mental Health, Uncategorized Tagged With: activity, electric cigarette, Smoking

What is Domestic Abuse?

When you hear the words “domestic abuse”, what is your first reaction?

For most people these words immediately create the mental image of a suffering spouse with black eyes, and possible broken bones. However, although physical abuse is definitely part of the abuse cycle, domestic abuse can involve much more and usually does. And because domestic abuse usually involves areas other than physical violence, many do not see the suffering of friends or even members of their own family. Ironically, sometimes one can actually be blind to the fact that they, themselves, are involved in an abusive relationship.

“Wait,” you ask. “How can one possibly miss the fact that they are in the center of domestic abuse?”

Good question.

The answer is that abuse can, and usually does, come in many forms besides the physical. In fact, physical abuse in the home is called domestic violence, while mental & emotional abuses are actually the conditions considered “domestic abuse”. Most of the time domestic abuse will be tied into serious control issues and the desire for complete domination by a spouse or significant other. This kind of abuse starts with the need for control; it can readily be seen when a spouse completely takes over his or her mate’s time, money, friends, wardrobe, or even diet.

The next step is usually a constant belittling and demeaning verbal onslaught, which will include massive amounts of guilt and shame. Abusive people use these tactics so that the abused will feel that they deserve their mate’s scorn and harsh treatment. This allows for more abuse to be heaped upon the victims as they become convinced that they have earned their companion’s constant disdain and ridicule. As the abuser adds generous doses of fear and intimidation, the victim succumbs to the feelings of guilt and begins to believe that he/she is not only worthless but the actual cause of the problem. Once begun, this vicious cycle is extremely hard to break out of, but it can be done.

Recognizing domestic abuse is the first step to healing.

Filed Under: Domestic Abuse, General, Mental Health, Uncategorized Tagged With: Abuse, Domestic, Domestic Abuse?

The Advantage of Taking out Emergency Cash Loans

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When a person on a tight budget experiences an unplanned expense, they often find themselves in quite an unfortunate predicament. Many people would panic and try to call friends or family to borrow money, but this is often a bad decision to make. Instead, an individual can contact an emergency loan service. These companies exist so that people who need money, immediately, can receive the loan they need in a short period of time and without too much paperwork.

Many people claim that the best reason to use emergency cash loans is that they are very fast and easy. The majority of lenders have websites where an individual can fill out some information about the amount of money they need, the reason for the loan, and some other small details. After a loan has been approved, the person will typically receive their money in about an hour.

One of the biggest appeals of an emergency loan is that a person can receive up to $5000 – if they provide enough information. In the case of a car accident, sudden illness, or getting laid off work, a person can simply head to one of these loan offices or fill out forms online, and receive their loan quickly. These loans are also known as cash advance or payday loans. They are so popular due to the easy process, quick return, and low amount of complications.

While emergency loans can be heaven sent for people who need money quickly, it is not the answer for when people need a large sum in a short period of time. Loans over $500 will need more information such as recent bank statements, voided checks, and as assortment of other documents. However, for an individual who simply needs some a small amount of money right away, an emergency or cash advance loan could be exactly what they are looking for.

Filed Under: General

Early Signs of a Potentially Abusive Relationship

The last thing one wants to think about in a new romance are the signs of a potential abuser. Yet if one is serious about a relationship, there are certain danger signals one should be aware of.

Some of these early signs are not easy to recognize or to even equate with abuse. It can be something as romantic as a whirlwind courtship with an overly attentive suitor. The perfect man-of-your-dreams, who suddenly steps into your life and quickly sweeps you off your feet with his love and generosity (not to mention his extreme protection), can be the first warning signs for the beginnings of a relationship from hell.

Here are a few things to watch for that can signify an unhealthy and potentially combustible relationship:

Your New Love Must Be With You at All Times

When your new romance must be with you every moment and needs a full report when you are out of their sight, you may have a problem.

Their Feelings are Easily Hurt Over Tiny Infractions.

If you find yourself apologizing continually for every little nuance, you may have a problem.

Instant Jealousy

If there is an immediate jealous reaction over any attention bestowed upon, or given by you, you may have a problem.

“Loving Actions” That Can Ultimately Keep You Isolated

When the Object of Your Affection begins to make long-term plans that can separate you from your job/school/profession or even your family, you may have a problem.

Blaming You for Their Anger

If you find yourself accused as the cause of every disagreement, whether mild or fiery, you may have a problem.

Although, in a new relationship, it is sometimes hard to see the telltale signs of a potential abuser, it is wise to understand the forms and disguises where potential abuse can hide. This is a case where it is definitely better to be safe than sorry.

Filed Under: Disabilities, General, Preventing Tagged With: Abusive Relationship, Child abuse, Relationships

The Signs of an Abusive Relationship

The first sign of an abusive relationship to be aware of is internal and should be easy: ARE YOU AFRAID OF YOUR SPOUSE?

Are you in constant “duck and cover” mode? Do you have to watch what you say for fear of an angry tirade over subjects that seem benign? Are you constantly criticized or belittled? Has your partner taken your belongings? Or even destroyed them? Has your partner limited your access to the outside world? Are you treated horribly in front of family and friends? Are you the blame for EVERYTHING GONE WRONG? Do you believe you are stupid and worthless and deserve to be demeaned? Yelled at? Ignored? Blamed? And, most important, are you fearful of physical punishment? Has your partner threatened you? Or even your loved ones? Has he/she become violent?

Any of the above constitutes an abusive relationship. This implies that you may be in danger and that no matter how much you may think you love the person or how much you may deserve ridicule, at the least, and physical harm, at the most, you MUST leave and get to a place of safety.

If a partner is continually jealous or angry, threatening and controlling, you are in the midst of an abusive relationship and it is not going to get better. And more than your self-esteem is at risk; it could be your very life. Or even your children. There is no way to “fix” this relationship, especially if you feel you deserve the abuse. The only thing you can do is get to a place of safety and away from the situation, so that you can assess what is really going on and what your role in it is. There, you can clear your mind to determine if you need professional help and what the next steps might be.

Remember the famous words of Einstein:

“Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

Filed Under: General, Rehab, Uncategorized Tagged With: Child abuse, duck and cover, Relationship

Abuse is a Choice

A common myth about domestic abuse is that someone is unable to control their own abusive behavior; that abusing a spouse or partner means that one is out of control and cannot help themselves.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

99.9% of the time, domestic abusers are in complete control of themselves and their actions are a choice. Whether their actions are to make all your decisions for you or control your money, friends, or freedom, or even hurt you physically, the action was a choice and the choice was made to control YOU.

Here’s how it works:

Common ways of manipulating the unsuspecting partner is to create a space of complete dominance; the victim becomes a possession and has no life of their own. This is allows the abuser to control every aspect of their partner’s life. Much of the power comes from continual humiliation. When the victim begins to feel completely worthless, the abuser can then lay the blame for their actions on the victim. If the victim hadn’t made them angry or hadn’t been so stupid, so embarrassing, so disappointing, so you-name-it, the abuse would never have happened.

Many times a potentially abusive person can be incredibly kind or inoffensive in one relationship and a repulsive and even dangerous tyrant in another. This is because an abuser must have the appropriate victim in order to control and dominate; most abusive behavior comes from the desire to control and manipulate the unsuspecting. Someone with a fragile self-image can be made to believe that they are stupid, worthless, defective, an embarrassment. Once that is achieved the abusive partner can weld supreme power over the victim, from insults and public humiliation to physical and sexual abuse to complete isolation.

So remember an abuser is NOT out of control; on the contrary, they have complete control of themselves and also their victims. Without this control, abuse would not be able to continue.

Being aware of abusive behavior is being safer and smarter.

Filed Under: Disabilities, General Tagged With: Abuse, Blame, Domestic