Recognizing Psychological Abuse

We can never really know what goes on in the private lives of friends and family and most of the time it is none of our business. However, there are some pretty sure warning signals when there may be domestic abuse or, in some cases, domestic violence going on in the lives of our close acquaintances. In these circumstances, it is wise to sit up and take notice of odd behavior.

If a good friend’s outward demeanor changes drastically you might want to ask questions. For instances, if they seem full of fear, for no apparent reason, or need to “report in” constantly to their partner/spouse. Perhaps their dialog may change to signify that their partner has become very possessive or they may even fear to say anything that will make the spouse look bad and will agree with everything that is said and done, no matter how outrageous.

If you notice that they are receiving constant and harassing phone calls when they are visiting or suddenly seem very depressed or even suicidal, then there could very well be serious abuse going on in their private life. Or if suddenly they are not “allowed” to see people, can’t go anywhere without their spouse, and have little or no access to a car or to money, then it’s “Houston, we may have a problem” time.

As a friend, it is your duty to ask questions. Don’t be afraid to be straightforward but be sure that your friend knows that your discussion is private and just between the two of you. It is your duty to speak out if you suspect abuse and see these kinds of psychological signs. Realize that if your suspicions are true, then your friend is caught in a dangerous trap and may feel there is no hope and that no one cares. When you speak up, not only will you show that someone cares, but you just might save his/her life.

Filed Under: General, Mental Health Tagged With: , ,

How Can You Tell if You Are Being Abused?

Seems like a silly question, doesn’t it? Shouldn’t all abuse victims know when they are the subjects of abuse? Unfortunately, it isn’t always easy to detect, especially early in the relationship. Sometimes abuse doesn’t become obvious until one is well into a marriage or partnership and usually with a lot more at stake.

Abuse can be subtle, especially at first. You might excuse your spouse’s actions because it may seem silly to fret over something like mood swings or the fact that you are rarely able to see your friends or family. But understand that abusers know what they are doing. An abuser doesn’t “just lose” his/her temper. Abuse is calculated and controlled.

In fact, it is all about control. Control of you.

If you have any misgivings or fears about your relationship, then it is wise to ask yourself some pertinent questions.

Are you afraid? Does your partner sometimes scare you? Do you ever fear for your personal safety? Are you regularly accused of being unfaithful? Are you forced into sexual situations that you find revolting? Are your finances controlled by your partner?

Realize that in domestic abuse, degradation is the name of the game. If your partner is consistently demeaning or ridiculing you, this is abuse. If you feel consistently humiliated or fearful, then you are experiencing domestic abuse. If you are isolated and kept from your social peers; if your partner or spouse has gotten in the way of your schooling, your job or even your hobbies, or if you have no control over the car, your money or your time, you are being controlled and abused.

The best thing you can do is to become aware. Are you fearful? Isolated? Controlled? This is called domestic abuse; it will not go away. If this is happening in your life, then it is best to face it sooner rather than later.

Filed Under: General, Mental Health, Uncategorized Tagged With: , ,

When the Victim of Domestic Violence is a Man

When most of us think of domestic violence, we think of battered women, used and physically abused by husbands or lovers. To the average person such a despicable and horrendous act is worthy of criminal prosecution. And yet, as hard as it is to believe, many victims of domestic violence are men. In fact over 3 million men per year are physically assaulted by a partner/spouse.

We do not often hear of battered men because, in the first place, many do not believe them. Many times when a man calls a help line they are told that the help is only for women. When a woman is a victim of domestic violence, she is always told that it is not her fault. Regrettably, men are often laughed at or made fun of by those that are supposed to help domestic abuse victims. And often, if a man is attacked by his spouse, even with a weapon, and reports it, he can be the one arrested.

There is also the “manly” issue.

Men are supposed to be stronger and able to handle the “little woman”. It can be embarrassing to acknowledge that you are being battered by your wife or girlfriend. Unfortunately, women can also pack a punch, handle a gun or knife, and inflict pain or even death. Although most assaults by females against men are relatively minor, some do result in homicide. And most abused men do not retaliate against the abuser even though they are much stronger and could inflict real damage.

Many times men are also reluctant to leave an abusive relationship because they do not want to lose their children. If they leave, they leave their children with an abusive parent. Even when the woman is the abuser, the children will usually go to her in the case of divorce.

It is necessary that the public becomes educated and made aware of male victims of domestic abuse. This is a big step toward allowing men the proper help and counseling to work toward a better life.

Filed Under: Domestic Abuse, General, Mental Health Tagged With: , ,

Ways to Avoid the Smoking Ban Using the Electric Cigarette

Many states have put into effect public smoking bans, which make it incredibly difficult for smokers to enjoy their favorite activity while out in public. However there are a few ways around this ban that can make smokers quite happy.

Although many restaurants can’t afford to install the high powered exhaust fans needed to properly ventilate a smoking section under the specifications of most states, many of them can afford to install outside patio seating. While smokers cannot smoke indoors, many restaurants have found their way around the ban by starting an outdoor smoker’s section. Finding bars and restaurants with these set up, particularly in warmer states, can make the dining experience enjoyable for smokers again.

One newer trend is the electric cigarette. Electronic cigarettes are said to supply the smoker with the same amount of nicotine without the harmful chemicals contained in cigarettes, and with none of the second hand smoke. This means that electric cigarettes can be “smoked” wherever the user pleases, as they are flameless and would not fall under the jurisdiction of most smoking bans.

Finally, smokers who are trying to quit or who just need enough to get by can use nicotine gum. While many smokers complain that the nicotine in the gum does not satisfy the long-term urges and desires of smokers, chewing a piece while in a bar or restaurant can more than adequately curb cravings for at least an hour or so, or until the chewer feels like going outside for a smoke. While not a perfect solution, it will help, and since most nicotine gum is over-the-counter, anyone can pick up a box.

While whether or not the smoking ban infringes on the rights of smokers remains to be seen. Smokers still have several options while operating from within the ban to make sure they get the enjoyment they need.

Enhanced by Zemanta
Filed Under: General Tagged With: , ,

Top of August Month Links

http://www.gutefrage.net/picoftheday/bpoilspill.html

http://www.engadget.com/2010/08/26/hulu-plus-has-14-percent-more-content-than-hulu-2-840-percent-m/

http://digg.com/news/world_news/prop_8_ruled_unconstitutional_2

http://www.gutefrage.net/picoftheday/carwrecks.html

http://www.gutefrage.net/picoftheday/sporn.html

http://digg.com/news/offbeat/eva_mendes_sex_tape

http://digg.com/news/entertainment/5_Super_Neat_Ways_to_Use_a_Hooker_The_Oatmeal

http://digg.com/news/politics/Are_You_Mature_Enough_for_This_Line_Graph_of_Gay_Marriage

Enhanced by Zemanta
Filed Under: General Tagged With: , ,

How To Escape an Abusive Situation?

When one finally realizes that the abusive relationship they are in has exceeded the limits of endurance, what is the next step? Escape, obviously; but how does one manage that and stay safe? Even more important, how does one escape with children, while keeping them safe?

Escape from an abusive situation needs some serious planning. If you are involved with an abuser who has control of your bank account and credit cards, not to mention family automobiles and every second of your time, then planning is of the essence.

The first thing to do is to find one person you can trust who will help you from beginning to end. Next, gather important items and keep them in a safe place. This can include, necessary papers such as legal documents and financial records, extra keys, money, medications, and clothing. Anything that is of personal value to you must go into your “safety place” because once you leave, there is little chance of reclaiming anything that is left behind. If you are fearful of hiding these things in your home, then find a friend or family member that will keep them.

Next, get an alternative address, now; some place where future financial statements and important documents etc. can be sent to you. This is very important because if you change addresses after your escape, some institutions will send confirmation of your new address to your old address. You do NOT want your abusive partner finding out your new residence this way.

Find somewhere to escape to, whether it is distant friends or a shelter, and make arrangements. Open your own bank account with whatever money you can secret away. If you are taking children with you, it is probably a good idea to keep them in ignorance until you are all successfully relocated. A child might accidentally let the secret out before you are ready to make the move. In fact, it is a good idea to tell NO ONE except the one friend or family member who is helping you.

Filed Under: Domestic Abuse, General Tagged With: , ,
Newer Posts »