THE DIRTY LEGAL SECRET

One of the dirty little secrets of the United States legal system is the prevalence of sexual abuse and assault against Native American women. They are sexually assaulted two and one half times as often as any other group in America and they are also the most likely to be stalked.

Native women are more likely to be assaulted by men of another race; to sustain injuries during the assault; and to be gang raped.

Native American WomenImage courtesy of http://oursisterskeeper.org

Because of long-standing cultural mistrust of law enforcement and the judicial systems, these victims are often hesitant to report the crime.

Even when victims report a rape to tribal police, there is often no response. Most reservations have small federal funded BIA (Bureau of Indian Affairs) Police forces and sexual assaults are not even investigated. Many of the Indian Health Service Centers –the first medical stop for most Native Americans- do not stock rape kits, so DNA evidence, vital for legal prosecution, is not collected.

The U.S. Department of Justice has recently acknowledged this problem with pilot projects for tribes to change the social and judicial climate around sexual assault. Grants now fund classes for law enforcement officers, encouraging tribes to change their legal codes to increase punishment for rapes, and to treat victims of domestic violence with sensitivity.

Tribal women themselves have started to band together to assist victims of assault and to demand action from law enforcement and the legal system. These women honor the survivors of sexual assault, sponsor educational programs, and lobby their tribes for changes in their legal codes to take sexual crimes seriously.

Filed Under: Sex, Sexual Abuse Tagged With: , ,

Breaking the Pattern

KAKHUN-WART 05 domestic abused violence conjugale 

Image by kakhun.wart via Flickr

One problem that many abuse victims face is the tendency to go right back to an abusive relationship. Whether this means going back to the same relationship as before or entering a new relationship that is just as bad as the previous, this makes any recovery that has been made for nothing. Preventing future abuse is an important, though often undervalued, step to recovery.

When one is in an abusive relationship, there are several important steps to take in escaping the abuse. It is very important to escape the relationship and seek help, but one of the most under-appreciated steps in recovery in preventing the pattern to repeat itself.

In preventing abuse, it is important to identify certain patterns that hint at someone being potentially abusive. For example, abuse often comes from people that seem overly romantic, to the point of declaring “undying love” for you before your first date. Also, he or she might want to know where you are and what you are doing at any given time. This might seem like he or she is just interested in your life, but it is often a symptom of obsession, which often leads to abuse. Also, if he or she constantly complains about things, such as your weight or habits, this can lead to verbal abuse. Also be careful if a person has obvious anger issues, which are often first apparent as road rage or the like, since these issues are tell-tale signs of potential abuse.

If you believe you are in a relationship that could become abusive, seek help. You do not want to make the mistake of waiting.

Filed Under: Preventing, Sexual Abuse Tagged With: , ,

Healing After Dealing With Sexual Abuse As A Child

More people are finding that it’s hard dealing with the horrific fact that they were sexually abused as a child. There are aftereffects for anyone who experience abuse.

Most of the time as a child you’re repressing those horrible memories and you’ve been able to forget about it until you’re an adult. There are people who as adults remember vividly the sexual abuse they experience when they were a kid. Healing after dealing with sexual abuse as a child can be difficult for many people, but it’s something that in time will happen. As a child, you’re unable to fully understand what’s going on let alone know how to heal.

The first step in the healing process would be to admit that it happened and that it was a serious crime and you were horribly violated. Anyone who has experience any kind of abuse usually suffers from low self-esteem, which was caused from the abuser.

Going to a support group or therapist could help the healing process since talking about horrific events could help. A therapist will be there with you so you’re able to deal with the emotional pain and effects of being sexual abused when you were a kid. Keeping things built up inside is only going to make things worse.

There are more than just focus groups you can attend; you have the option to be part of a program that’s a 12-step that’s for survivors of sexual abuse.   There are many groups that hospitals and clinics are offering to those who were victims of sexual abuse as a child.

Some professionals have even said that writing in a journal is a great way for a victim to start their healing process. Sometimes people can’t share their thoughts out loud and writing about it could help. Another option would be to write multiple letters to your abusers. These letters won’t be mailed, it’s another way to speak your mind and be open and honest about how you’re feeling.

These are things that you can do when you’re trying to move on from being sexual abused.

Filed Under: Domestic Abuse, Sexual Abuse Tagged With: , ,

Recognizing The Signs A Child Is Being Sexually Abused

Sexual abuse is a horrific ordeal that no one should experience. The sad fact is a relative, an acquaintance or a stranger, is out there sexually abusing kids. People that we trust to take care of our children are in fact abusing them. More parents are finding it hard to trust anyone with their kids these days. When it comes to your children, you do what you can to protect them.

It’s crucial to keep communicating with your children and watch for potential signs that your child is being sexually abused.

Keep an eye on how your kid’s posture is. If he becomes in pain all of a sudden or has a hard time walking or sitting down, speak to them. You’re their parents so don’t back down when they fight you after you ask to see their bodies. Most kids who are being abused will be threatened or have their family threatened by the abuser, causing the kid to be too scared to talk.

If you notice your child is rubbing himself in the genital area and a seductive manner all of a sudden or use words that are filthy, that’s a huge sign a child is being sexually abused. If you think anything is going on, it’s important to report it to the police. Children under the age of 12 will never act this way unless someone is teaching them how to.

Be on the lookout for your kid to become really shy and scared. If he or she is too scared to change in gym class because people are around, this is another sign of sexual abuse.

Other common signs of sexual abuse include having nightmares, not being able to sleep, wetting the bed, not eating as much or they’re afraid to be alone.

If you notice any of these signs than your child is in trouble, take action immediately.

Filed Under: Drug Treatment, Sexual Abuse Tagged With: , ,

Nymphomania and Early Abuse

A lot of people are aware of “nymphos” as they are commonly called.  Nymphomania is a fairly common ailment in which a woman’s sex drive is extremely high.  And while having a high sex drive is not necessarily having nymphomania, it has the two distinct symptoms of having little interest in discriminating between different sexual activities, and having an equally indiscriminant view of their different partners (and nymphomaniacs tend to have a very large number of them).  And while there is most likely a biological basis for desiring a large amount of sex, often times this is as a subconscious result of having been molested as a child.  While the desire may show up completely consciously, the motivations for it are often hidden beneath the surface.

Nymphomaniacs are often very flippant about the types of sex that they are having, the partners that they are having it with, and anything else regarding the “sensible” parts of sexuality.  Often they do not care if they use protection from diseases, or even if they use birth control.  Their primary desire is to experience the stimulation of sexual excitement, pure and simple.  Adding additional complications on top of that would only be a distraction to that overriding purpose.  But of course, this is not just about pleasure for its own sake.

In a very large number of cases, the nymphomaniac is a woman whose girlhood was marked with sexual abuse.  While she might not think anything about it, or may play off the early abuse as something that is ancient history, it does continue to color her attachment to (and pursuit of) sexuality.  After all, the early abuse may have been by a man whom she trusted and loved.  With such a basis, she may be subconsciously associating the acquisition of sex with being loved, accepted or trusted.  She may even come to see sexuality as a tool by which she can manipulate other people and get something.

Filed Under: Sexual Abuse Tagged With:

Sometimes men Can’t Orgasm

A lot of people have the belief that all men can orgasm, and that all of the orgasmic difficulties in the world are owned by women.  But in some cases, a man can not reach orgasm during sex.  In these types of situations, he may not be able to ejaculate and orgasm, in spite of having lengthy sessions of sexual intercourse.  And while a very large abundance of material has been written about how to treat a woman who can not orgasm, there is very little to help a man who finds himself unable to orgasm.  For most people, it is simply implied that men come when they have sex.  As well, these difficulties in function are more often psychological than physical in origin.

Of course, there are times in which a man’s inability to achieve orgasm is directly related to the fact that his body is not working properly.  If a man does not have enough testosterone being produced, for instance, that can impact his ability to orgasm.  If he has an improper amount of the hormones which are produced in his thyroid (either too little or too much), this can also impact his ability to orgasm during sex.  As well, if he is taking some types of medications, he may be unable to finish the act.  In some cases, he may even have an issues such as muscular sclerosis, or even a physical injury to his penis.

In a lot of cases, a man who can not orgasm during sex has a psychological problem, and not a physical one.  Among the potential psychological problems which can cancel out the possibility of orgasm are stress, the fear of either impregnating their partner or contracting some kind of sexually transmitted infection or AIDS, a past history of having been sexually abused, or a relationship with his sex partner which is unsatisfactory to him.  There are a multitude of reasons, but the problem can be solved.

Filed Under: Sexual Abuse Tagged With:

Escaping the Situation

If you have ever been involved in a situation in which some sort of domestic abuse was taking place, you have no doubt noticed that the pattern tends to repeat itself over time.  But of course, this is not just a pattern which repeats while the individual who is being abused is still living in the original abusive home.  Far too often, they will either consciously or subconsciously replicate some portion of the abusive behavior later on, after they have moved away from the source of it all.  The tendency to bring about repetition of abuse is a very common occurrence, regardless of how painful the original abuse might have been.  In order to truly escape, the entire pattern has got to be broken.

A lot of people think that once an individual has gotten away from the first person who has ever abused them, that the problem is going to go away.  Unfortunately, problems of this nature simply do not disappear that easily.  And often, the individual who was originally abused will subconsciously seek out people who have the same abusive tendencies as the original person who hurt them, because that is what feels comfortable and normal.  A person can get used to pretty much anything, after all.  And in a case like that, a person “escapes” from the source of it all, only to continue the trend somewhere else.

While it can be a sad (and even an angry) revelation to the person that they are basically walking back into the same situation by seeking out similar people to their original abuser, this is the sort of situation where intervention may actually be necessary.  If the tendencies are there, then it is simply a matter of setting off the new abuser for the same behavioral pattern to assert itself in this new place.  In order for a real change to take place, the abused person has got to look for something completely different.

Filed Under: Sexual Abuse Tagged With:

Men can be Raped, Too

A lot of people have taken up the ridiculous belief that since most men “want sex more” than women do (at least in theory), that a man can never be raped.  Aside from the fact that another man might be able to rape a man, the notion that a woman can never force or manipulate a man into doing something that is degrading and disgusting to him is a painful farce.  The saddest part of all is that fact that, with very rare exceptions, most people will either outright ignore or ridicule the entire notion of a man who claims that another person has sexually assaulted him.  While it might sound funny to some people, there is nothing funny about anybody getting raped.

Far too many women believe that they have got the monopoly on being sexually assaulted and abused.  It is true that men do tend to be physically stronger, and that many kinds of sex acts do require that the man’s penis be erect.  But whether or not an erection occurs, the fact is that sexuality consists of far more than simply inserting a penis into a vagina.  In a situation where a woman uses force or coercision to get a man to do anything that he is genuinely unwilling to do (with a particular emphasis on providing oral sex or other alternative activities), rape has essentially occurred.

Sadly, far too many people just assume that men always “want it,” and that it could never be rape as a consequence of that.  But what too often happens when a person (whether it be a man or a woman) rapes a man is that the guy is just too ashamed to come forward in the first place.  After all, why admit to being “too weak” to fight off someone, if no one is going to believe what you say in the first place?  No one really knows how often a man is sexually violated.

Filed Under: Mental Health, Sexual Abuse Tagged With: , ,

Are you Compatible With Your Partner?

Most of the people in the world assume that men who are physically capable of achieving and maintaining an erection physically are also capable of achieving an orgasm when they have sex.  But unfortunately, this is not always the case.  In a reasonably high number of situations, for instance, a man may actually be suffering from a malady which is known as male orgasmic disorder.  And while this ailment is extremely embarrassing for a red blooded man who is in perfectly fine physical health to talk about, it is often caused by simply not connecting well to his partner.  If you are suffering from it, you have got to ask yourself if you are with the right person, be it a woman or another man.

Do you ever find that you would really rather not have sex with your significant other?  Does their body actually turn you off, as opposed to on?  Do you feel as if they are basically just using you to get their sexual desires fulfilled?  If these kinds of thoughts are passing through your head during a period of time in which the most appropriate response is to be sexually aroused, it would make perfect sense if you can not reach an orgasm.  How could anybody orgasm properly for a person who simply does not arouse them, or for whom there is disdain?

The sad truth of the matter is that it may actually not be salvageable.  If you believe that the relationship might be able to be saved, you are always welcome to try out sort it out between the two of you.  But if this is a situation in which there is an abundance of bitterness which has built up, it may actually be too late to pursue any sort of thereapeutic options.  As painful as it might be to face the facts, sometimes a relationship has just got to die, so that both of you can move on.

Filed Under: Sexual Abuse Tagged With:

Not Being Alone

A lot of consultants and writers would say that one of the best ways that you can avoid being raped is to never be alone.  And while this does often mean that you would be well advised to travel with a buddy as often as you possibly can, it does go deeper than that.  A lot of times, a rapist is going to target a woman who is by herself in an area that is off the beaten path- as in, just outside of where help can easily be attained, but still within the realm of there actually being some people around.  Not being alone can also be interpreted to mean that you are not going about your life without having other people around, so that you always have a good level of support from people who can help you out.

Naturally, you always want to make sure that someone else knows where you are going to be.  Otherwise, you may end up being kidnapped- and many kidnappings lead to being murdered.  But even when you are just going about your normal daily business, it is much safer to go accompanied by someone else.  Whether it is a male friend or a female one, there is definitely strength in numbers.  Very few rapists are cocky enough to attack a small group, because they are less likely to be successful and more likely to be caught.

But not being physically by yourself is just one component of the whole deal.  Even when you are physically by yourself, not being alone can extend into having a strong social network behind and around you.  If you should happen to be attacked during that rare but inevitable moment when you are physically by yourself, having a solid social network is a much better way to heal in the aftermath of it all.  Your physical safety is great, but your emotional well being is a very important thing, as well.

Filed Under: Sexual Abuse Tagged With: ,
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