Defending Yourself Against Rape

Rape is a heinous crime, and there is no such thing as a victim of it “bringing it on themselves.”  Generally, the types of people who say things of that nature are the types who believe the doing such simple acts as dressing a certain way are all that it takes to essentially surrender your right to give yourself sexually to whom you choose, and to refuse whomever you choose.  Individuals who think that way will probably never see reason, beyond a misguided obsession with making sure that everyone takes excessive levels of responsibility for themselves.  However, in spite of all of this idiocy, you can take some steps to protect yourself against being raped.  While nothing is completely fool proof, the following steps will help you a lot.

The first step is to mentally train yourself to snap into a fight or flight reaction at a moment’s notice.  Generally, rape has a preamble to it.  Someone gets you alone, and you think that he might be fun, but then he stops being gentle about getting what he wants.  A victim tries to scream for help.  You might find that clawing at his eyes, grabbing and sharply yanking his groin and punching his neck will more effectively halt his aggressive actions.  There can be no moment of “morality” in a situation like this.  You may have a split second after identifying a threat before it becomes too late to strike back, and you have got to seize that moment.

Another thing that you can do in order to protect yourself is to never go places alone unless you are certain in your ability to defend yourself.  One of the big differences between how a man gets attacked versus how a woman gets attacked are that men are typically punched, and women are typically grabbed.  Any wannabe rapist with half a brain knows that it is far harder to grab two women than to grab one.

Defending Yourself Actively

If you have ever been raped, then you know how powerless it tends to make you feel.  One moment you are a strong woman who knows what she wants in life and goes out to get it- the equal of any man in any situation.  But then, out of the blue, you are reduced to a quivering child who has had something precious stolen away from them.  In a very short time, you can have all of the confidence knocked right out of you.  And as much as you might work on moving forward in your career and personal life, it is extremely hard to restore that confidence.  However, you can do so in one important way- by learning how to defend yourself, so that this kind of thing is never going to happen again.

First off, you are going to need to be very aware of your surroundings, and what everyone around you is doing.  Many people think that self defense is about fancy moves.  That is not the case in the slightest.  On the one hand, it might seem a little bit like paranoia to be constantly on alert.  But this is not paranoia- it is just awareness.  When you are alert, you can tell when someone “might” rape you when they are still across the street, and move accordingly.  Nobody wants to try to make a victim out of a person who is a step ahead of them.

Another vital component of defending yourself actively is to learn how to use your body effectively.  Notice that we are not just talking about delivering blows.  You do not have to become the female equivalent of Bruce Lee in order to regain your confidence and defend yourself if the situation demands it.  What you do need to do, however, is learn how to move, how to escape holds, and how (and most importantly, where) to strike, to bring a strong man to his knees.

Sexual Abuse and how it Influences a Future

A lot of times, a person’s entire sex life is determined when they are a child.  After all, a lot of rapes occur directed at individuals who are under the age of twelve.  And when an event which is that horrendous happens to a person who is so young and inexperienced, their coping skills can actually do a lot of terrible things to try to reconcile their life and the reality that they personally live in.  Often times, these adaptive measures can be changes to their sexual orientation, can alter their sex drive and can even cause them to want to play out rape fantasies.  The nature of these “kinks” can be all the way from mild to extreme, and need to at least be acknowledged if the victim is ever going to move on with their life.

A significant number of homosexual men have been molested as small boys.  Often these are the “bottoms” types of men, who prefer to receive penetration and perform oral sex on other men.  They often take on the role of manipulator, which expresses that their inner child is in charge of their sex life.  The inner child believes that while others have most of the power, this is power which can be gotten from them through the use of manipulative tactics and their emotions.  While effective, these tactics are often cruel and unhealthy for those on the receiving end of them.

Most nymphomaniacs were molested at some point in their lives.  While this is the kind of thing that is difficult to talk about, and many will play it off nonchalantly, it is possible that their hypersexuality is an attempt to derive some sort of meaning from their earlier experience.  It may even be possible that the nymphomaniac associates sexuality as a symbol of receiving love, as opposed to getting nothing more than carnal pleasure from the act.  In any case, this is definitely a life long change.

Emotional Abuse Can be as Painfal as Physical Abuse

Emotional abuse is often overlooked, as it does not have proof like bruises or scars. However, emotional abuse is the most common type of abuse. It can occur in any type of relationship, between husband and wife, parent and child, boyfriend and girlfriend, and even between supposed friends.

Name-calling is the most obvious form of emotional abuse. This is not the occasional outburst that one later feels bad about. The name-calling is constant and is repeated even when the other person is doing their best to please.

Emotional abuse is prevalent among relationships and is not a random act, because it takes really knowing a person for the perpetrator to be able to conduct the abuse. An emotional abuser knows your fears and doubts and can play on those. For example, if you have a fear of a particular place or thing, the abuser will constantly throw it in your face and make you feel bad and humiliated.

Parents that use emotional abuse against their children as a control mechanism risk delayed development socially and mentally. Parents tend to abuse their children in this way intentionally sometimes out of malice, but it more commonly stems from a lack of confidence in traditional parenting skills. Examples of parental emotional abuse include teasing, constant criticism, name-calling, invalidation and abandonment.

Your emotional abuser likely makes you afraid to seek for help and may even make you feel like they are not the problem. Any form of abuse, whether physical or non-physical is not okay and it is never the victim’s fault. If you do not have the courage to access professional help, at least confide in a friend or family member who can seek help for you.

If you suspect a friend or a family member is in an abusive relationship, reach out to him immediately. Do not be aggressive, or else he might shut down. Listen and offer support.

Denying Rape Leads to Long-Term Consequences

Rape is most prevalent among young women, with men being the perpetrators. However, both men and women of all ages are potential victims of rape. Rape itself is physically, emotionally, and psychologically damaging. Often times, a victim is too embarrassed to come forward, based on the circumstances. For example, a young college student raped after drinking might feel that she somehow deserved being victimized. However, telling yourself things like this is not helpful, and you do not do yourself any justice.

Rape victims are never at fault, though feelings of guilt are common. In many cases, instances of rape go unreported and the victim is left with the aftermath. Although it may not seem like a big deal at first, the emotional and psychological damage of rape can be prevalent in your life for years to come if you do not address the issues. Former rape victims are often isolated and angry. In addition, they have a difficult time forming relationships, and can have a disdain towards women or men, depending on the gender of the original perpetrator.

If you are a past rape victim, there are still ways to get help even long after you are able to make a case against a perpetrator. Rape cases are only dismissed due to a lack of evidence. Try talking to a close relative or friend. If you are in a situation where your family tries to hide the incident, then they are not helping you, but actually hindering your efforts of recovering from rape trauma.

There are a plethora of counselors that can help rape victims recover from the psychological damage left by the perpetrator. Do not avoid counseling for fear that you cannot afford it. There is help available sometimes at no cost through interpersonal counseling as well as through telephone hotlines. Victims never deserve rape or the following personal impacts.

Relationship Between Domestic Abuse and Money Problems

Money troubles are the top reason why couples get divorced. Money issues can strain all types of relationships, whether you are married or not. Although money is not everything, our livelihood depends on it. You cannot pay rent or mortgage, pay for transportation, or even buy necessities such as food and clothing without it. The less money there is going around, the more stress there is.

Money often lead to blame. A laid-off father feels like less of a man and he can feel even worse if he thinks the family looks down upon him. Instances like an unprecedented unemployment rate cannot be helped, but it does not improve a family’s situation or bring about that lost income. Blaming a partner increases stress and leads to a greater chance of abuse. This can be physical or emotional. In fact, incessant blaming is a form of emotional abuse.

Whenever the economy turns, instances of abuse increase. The news fills with stories of family members that snap and turn on each other. In worse case scenarios, some even kill out of emotion and desperation. Although such persons are pressured, this is certainly not an excuse for violence. In fact, some people may use this as an excuse to justify their actions.

Given the increased chance of abuse from a lack of money, some wrongly conclude that a plethora of money will solve their needs. It is not the amount of money that puts families at ease, but the lack of stress from having enough money so that a family can meet its basic needs.

No matter what your family’s financial circumstance, there is never an excuse for violence. If you and your partner’s money issues are affecting your relationship, seek counseling. If you are a victim of abuse, seek professional help or ask a friend for help. Whenever faced with a financial crisis, it is best to keep your cool and work on issues together.

How Children Show Signs of Abuse

Children have a more difficult type expressing abuse. In some cases, they are too young to explain it or are so used to it that it is a regular occurrence to them. In other cases, children are afraid to talk. Abusive adults will belittle them and make them feel that they have no where to turn to. If they do, there can be greater consequences.

First, it is important to note that there are different types of abuse. Physical abuse is the most predominant type of abuse, but it can be hard to detect if the child hides the evidence under clothing or bandages. If you ask about burns, scratches, or bruises, a child will typically act nervous and make up a lie, deeming the cause as an accident.

Neglect is another form of abuse. In such cases, you can visibly see that the child is not properly cared for, and perhaps has torn clothing or is unkempt. Neglect also involves constantly leaving a child home alone or failure to pick them up from places such as school.

Emotional abuse also involves neglect, but encompasses other signs. Emotionally abusive parents constantly talk down to their child, making them feel worthless and unloved. A lack of self-esteem is exhibited by children who are emotionally abused. Such children also act below their age.

Children also exhibit certain signs of sexual abuse. They may be afraid to go home or be around other adults. During gym or sports activities, they might not want to go to the locker room. Bedwetting is common in younger sexually abused children.

The last thing you want to do is wrongly accuse a parent of child abuse. In some cases, it is difficult to detect. When in doubt, seek the advice of a counselor or attempt to approach the child your self. If you ever suspect child abuse, do not hesitate to contact your local child welfare agency.

Pregnancy from Rape: Know Your Options

The physical and emotional violations incurred during and after being raped are enough to have lasting effects. In some cases, women who are raped become pregnant. This is a difficult situation, considering the fact that you may be trying to get over being raped, let alone deal with being pregnant.

At this point, new questions may come to light. Do you keep the baby? Should you have an abortion? What are your options? What is the right thing to do?

The last question may depend upon your own morals and religious beliefs. Most people that are pro-life are conservative Christians. Extremely conservative people believe that you should keep any baby, no matter what the circumstances are. It wasn’t fair that you were raped, but it isn’t the baby’s fault that he was conceived in such a matter.

On the flip side, maybe you don’t want a baby or are financially unstable. Or the thought of having a baby from a rapist is just too much to handle. It’s justifiable to have such feelings. How could you possibly take care of a baby when you need to take care of yourself right now?

There is no right or wrong decision in this matter, as every situation is different. The thing to remember is that it is your decision, and yours alone to make. If you decide to keep the baby, there are support groups available to help you. If you do not have the money, there are various government programs to ensure that you and your baby receive proper health care and nutrition.

If you decide that having this baby is the wrong thing to do, you can see your gynecologist to discuss abortion options. She may refer you to a surgeon or recommend the abortion pill.

Also consider taking the morning after pill if you are raped in order to prevent unwanted pregnancy in the first place.

Sex Education: Abstinence vs. Intercourse Safety

Most states offer sex education to adolescents at some point during middle school or early high school. These sessions are often conducted during a health or anatomy class and they are often divided by gender. However, some states advocate co-ed sex education classes, though there is a risk of embarrassment for some of the children.

Sex education is designed to teach children about the human body, pregnancy, and consequences of unprotected sex. The sessions do not advocate sex, but rather teach teens how to be safe for when the time does come. Some classes even teach young women how to avoid rape and where to get help is someone does abuse them in such a way.

The problem is that not all parents advocate sex education classes. There are a number of reasons. First, parents might feel that their child is too young or that they would rather take it upon themselves to teach about sex and safety. Sex education classes also do not sit well with families who advocate abstinence until marriage, due to religious beliefs.

Some people are also afraid that sex education advocates sex, or may give children sexual ideas and inclinations. Given the subject matter, the classes may instead turn children off from having sex too young. During the class, children are exposed to pictures of STDs, the idea of teen pregnancy, and rape. Such images or ideas are not likely to conjure sexual motives in children.

For these reasons, children are required to gain parental consent in the form of writing before attending the classes. Before considering banning your child from a class, talk to the teacher about the lesson plans and offer your concerns. Also consider the consequences of not letting your child attend class. He or she may miss out on some valuable information about STDs, pregnancy, safety, and a number of other issues.

Obsession Over Treatment: OCD Options

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, also known as OCD, is a type of anxiety disorder. A person with OCD is controlled by obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviors. Although they vary, examples include an obsession over cleanliness, numbers, and order. Compulsions are actions that complement obsessions. For example, if you are obsessed about not getting sick, you may constantly wash your hands or use hand sanitizers more than is necessary to maintain cleanliness.

There are different levels of OCD behavior. Some people joke that they are OCD, when they are really perfectionists. OCD is also part of a type of personality disorder, called Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD), in which the patient does not even recognize a problem. Regular OCD is recognizable, but the patient is also sometimes embarrassed to confront it. Unlike being a perfectionist, OCD thoughts and behaviors are disruptive enough to mess with your daily plans or even your entire life.

With all of the awareness of OCD, there is no reason to feel embarrassed or to think that there is nothing you can do about it. There are different types of treatments ranging from therapy to medications. Therapy can be on an individual, family or group basis, depending on your preference and your doctor’s recommendations. Therapy is used to help you identify the obsessive thoughts you have to help control compulsive behaviors.

Medications for OCD are used to help prevent obsessive thoughts from occurring in the brain in the first place. These help level out different hormones such as serotonin. The most common OCD medications are anti-depressants such as Zoloft and Prozac. These are taken on a daily basis, often for the rest of your life. Sometimes, medication can interfere with your sleep. If this is the case, talk to your doctor and do not quit the medicine without his consent.