One of the most debilitating aspects of domestic abuse is the effect on the victim’s feelings of self worth and the conditions of their mental health. A victim of domestic abuse is under the thumb of a more powerful personality whose sole aim is control. The abuser must control every nuance in the victim’s life. The abusing partner attains control through verbal and emotional abuse; the goal is to reduce the victim, mentally and emotionally, into a worthless pile of rubble. The method is to break the victim through yelling, threatening, and putting them to shame. Then the abuser begins to control every little movement. The victim is not allowed out of the sight of the abusive partner. Family and friends are shunned, phone calls are limited; every action is monitored. If the victim steps out of line in any way, they are put in isolation, perhaps even physically assaulted, and, of course, blamed for all the abuse that has been heaped upon them. A victim of mental and emotional abuse will be conditioned to believe that everything is their fault. They will be told over and over again, that if only they were better, brighter, if only they would obey faster, quicker, if only they would- and so it goes. One of the hardest things for a victim to overcome, who has escaped an abusive prison, are the feelings of worthlessness and self-loathing. The hardest part of healing is to let go of guilt and to begin to understand that the abuse, however horrendous, is not the victim’s fault. Abuse that has been piled upon a victim has been the abuser’s choice; the abusing partner chose to threaten, blame and control the victim. Abuse is never ever the victim’s fault.
