Men can be Raped, Too

A lot of people have taken up the ridiculous belief that since most men “want sex more” than women do (at least in theory), that a man can never be raped.  Aside from the fact that another man might be able to rape a man, the notion that a woman can never force or manipulate a man into doing something that is degrading and disgusting to him is a painful farce.  The saddest part of all is that fact that, with very rare exceptions, most people will either outright ignore or ridicule the entire notion of a man who claims that another person has sexually assaulted him.  While it might sound funny to some people, there is nothing funny about anybody getting raped.

Far too many women believe that they have got the monopoly on being sexually assaulted and abused.  It is true that men do tend to be physically stronger, and that many kinds of sex acts do require that the man’s penis be erect.  But whether or not an erection occurs, the fact is that sexuality consists of far more than simply inserting a penis into a vagina.  In a situation where a woman uses force or coercision to get a man to do anything that he is genuinely unwilling to do (with a particular emphasis on providing oral sex or other alternative activities), rape has essentially occurred.

Sadly, far too many people just assume that men always “want it,” and that it could never be rape as a consequence of that.  But what too often happens when a person (whether it be a man or a woman) rapes a man is that the guy is just too ashamed to come forward in the first place.  After all, why admit to being “too weak” to fight off someone, if no one is going to believe what you say in the first place?  No one really knows how often a man is sexually violated.

Filed Under: Mental Health, Sexual Abuse Tagged With: , ,

Are you Compatible With Your Partner?

Most of the people in the world assume that men who are physically capable of achieving and maintaining an erection physically are also capable of achieving an orgasm when they have sex.  But unfortunately, this is not always the case.  In a reasonably high number of situations, for instance, a man may actually be suffering from a malady which is known as male orgasmic disorder.  And while this ailment is extremely embarrassing for a red blooded man who is in perfectly fine physical health to talk about, it is often caused by simply not connecting well to his partner.  If you are suffering from it, you have got to ask yourself if you are with the right person, be it a woman or another man.

Do you ever find that you would really rather not have sex with your significant other?  Does their body actually turn you off, as opposed to on?  Do you feel as if they are basically just using you to get their sexual desires fulfilled?  If these kinds of thoughts are passing through your head during a period of time in which the most appropriate response is to be sexually aroused, it would make perfect sense if you can not reach an orgasm.  How could anybody orgasm properly for a person who simply does not arouse them, or for whom there is disdain?

The sad truth of the matter is that it may actually not be salvageable.  If you believe that the relationship might be able to be saved, you are always welcome to try out sort it out between the two of you.  But if this is a situation in which there is an abundance of bitterness which has built up, it may actually be too late to pursue any sort of thereapeutic options.  As painful as it might be to face the facts, sometimes a relationship has just got to die, so that both of you can move on.

Filed Under: Sexual Abuse Tagged With:

Not Being Alone

A lot of consultants and writers would say that one of the best ways that you can avoid being raped is to never be alone.  And while this does often mean that you would be well advised to travel with a buddy as often as you possibly can, it does go deeper than that.  A lot of times, a rapist is going to target a woman who is by herself in an area that is off the beaten path- as in, just outside of where help can easily be attained, but still within the realm of there actually being some people around.  Not being alone can also be interpreted to mean that you are not going about your life without having other people around, so that you always have a good level of support from people who can help you out.

Naturally, you always want to make sure that someone else knows where you are going to be.  Otherwise, you may end up being kidnapped- and many kidnappings lead to being murdered.  But even when you are just going about your normal daily business, it is much safer to go accompanied by someone else.  Whether it is a male friend or a female one, there is definitely strength in numbers.  Very few rapists are cocky enough to attack a small group, because they are less likely to be successful and more likely to be caught.

But not being physically by yourself is just one component of the whole deal.  Even when you are physically by yourself, not being alone can extend into having a strong social network behind and around you.  If you should happen to be attacked during that rare but inevitable moment when you are physically by yourself, having a solid social network is a much better way to heal in the aftermath of it all.  Your physical safety is great, but your emotional well being is a very important thing, as well.

Filed Under: Sexual Abuse Tagged With: ,

Defending Yourself Against Rape

Rape is a heinous crime, and there is no such thing as a victim of it “bringing it on themselves.”  Generally, the types of people who say things of that nature are the types who believe the doing such simple acts as dressing a certain way are all that it takes to essentially surrender your right to give yourself sexually to whom you choose, and to refuse whomever you choose.  Individuals who think that way will probably never see reason, beyond a misguided obsession with making sure that everyone takes excessive levels of responsibility for themselves.  However, in spite of all of this idiocy, you can take some steps to protect yourself against being raped.  While nothing is completely fool proof, the following steps will help you a lot.

The first step is to mentally train yourself to snap into a fight or flight reaction at a moment’s notice.  Generally, rape has a preamble to it.  Someone gets you alone, and you think that he might be fun, but then he stops being gentle about getting what he wants.  A victim tries to scream for help.  You might find that clawing at his eyes, grabbing and sharply yanking his groin and punching his neck will more effectively halt his aggressive actions.  There can be no moment of “morality” in a situation like this.  You may have a split second after identifying a threat before it becomes too late to strike back, and you have got to seize that moment.

Another thing that you can do in order to protect yourself is to never go places alone unless you are certain in your ability to defend yourself.  One of the big differences between how a man gets attacked versus how a woman gets attacked are that men are typically punched, and women are typically grabbed.  Any wannabe rapist with half a brain knows that it is far harder to grab two women than to grab one.

Filed Under: Sexual Abuse Tagged With: ,

Defending Yourself Actively

If you have ever been raped, then you know how powerless it tends to make you feel.  One moment you are a strong woman who knows what she wants in life and goes out to get it- the equal of any man in any situation.  But then, out of the blue, you are reduced to a quivering child who has had something precious stolen away from them.  In a very short time, you can have all of the confidence knocked right out of you.  And as much as you might work on moving forward in your career and personal life, it is extremely hard to restore that confidence.  However, you can do so in one important way- by learning how to defend yourself, so that this kind of thing is never going to happen again.

First off, you are going to need to be very aware of your surroundings, and what everyone around you is doing.  Many people think that self defense is about fancy moves.  That is not the case in the slightest.  On the one hand, it might seem a little bit like paranoia to be constantly on alert.  But this is not paranoia- it is just awareness.  When you are alert, you can tell when someone “might” rape you when they are still across the street, and move accordingly.  Nobody wants to try to make a victim out of a person who is a step ahead of them.

Another vital component of defending yourself actively is to learn how to use your body effectively.  Notice that we are not just talking about delivering blows.  You do not have to become the female equivalent of Bruce Lee in order to regain your confidence and defend yourself if the situation demands it.  What you do need to do, however, is learn how to move, how to escape holds, and how (and most importantly, where) to strike, to bring a strong man to his knees.

Filed Under: Sexual Abuse Tagged With:

The Victim is Dead

When a woman gets raped, a small part of her dies.  You can call it “innocence” if you want, but it is not really that in most cases.  It might be that a part of her naivete dies, as she finally realizes that in some cases she has been powerless for her entire life time.  Perhaps her self confidence falls into a sort of coma, as she no longer feels powerful and proud, and sinks into feeling weak and ashamed of what has gone on.  But while a part of the woman does die, another part is either born, or emerges with a newfound “strength”- the victim.  Every woman (and indeed, every person) has a victim inside of themselves, which is given a sickly sort of power to come out and gloat over their powerlessness after an event like being raped.  Fortunately, this victim can be killed.

While it might sound harsh to want to “kill” the victim, this is not the case at all.  As a matter of fact, killing your inner victim does not hurt anything about you.  Rather, it strengthens you to continue onward in your life, as your inner victim’s energy is absorbed, and can be redirected toward more useful pursuits (like just about anything).  But of course, killing your inner victim is not simply a matter of doing affirmations or visualizing its death.

Your inner victim feeds on your sense of self doubt.  When you doubt yourself, you put up blocks in your path to any kind of positive progress.  Often, after a terrible event like being raped, a person actually begins to believe that they are not worthy of achieving any kind of success in life.  In order to kill the victim, you have got to take control of your life as much as you possibly can.  So freelance, volunteer, take self defense classes, learn to shoot guns- just do something that makes you feel powerful and in control.

Filed Under: Disabilities Tagged With:

Sexual Abuse and how it Influences a Future

A lot of times, a person’s entire sex life is determined when they are a child.  After all, a lot of rapes occur directed at individuals who are under the age of twelve.  And when an event which is that horrendous happens to a person who is so young and inexperienced, their coping skills can actually do a lot of terrible things to try to reconcile their life and the reality that they personally live in.  Often times, these adaptive measures can be changes to their sexual orientation, can alter their sex drive and can even cause them to want to play out rape fantasies.  The nature of these “kinks” can be all the way from mild to extreme, and need to at least be acknowledged if the victim is ever going to move on with their life.

A significant number of homosexual men have been molested as small boys.  Often these are the “bottoms” types of men, who prefer to receive penetration and perform oral sex on other men.  They often take on the role of manipulator, which expresses that their inner child is in charge of their sex life.  The inner child believes that while others have most of the power, this is power which can be gotten from them through the use of manipulative tactics and their emotions.  While effective, these tactics are often cruel and unhealthy for those on the receiving end of them.

Most nymphomaniacs were molested at some point in their lives.  While this is the kind of thing that is difficult to talk about, and many will play it off nonchalantly, it is possible that their hypersexuality is an attempt to derive some sort of meaning from their earlier experience.  It may even be possible that the nymphomaniac associates sexuality as a symbol of receiving love, as opposed to getting nothing more than carnal pleasure from the act.  In any case, this is definitely a life long change.

Filed Under: Sexual Abuse Tagged With:

Denying Rape Leads to Long-Term Consequences

Rape is most prevalent among young women, with men being the perpetrators. However, both men and women of all ages are potential victims of rape. Rape itself is physically, emotionally, and psychologically damaging. Often times, a victim is too embarrassed to come forward, based on the circumstances. For example, a young college student raped after drinking might feel that she somehow deserved being victimized. However, telling yourself things like this is not helpful, and you do not do yourself any justice.

Rape victims are never at fault, though feelings of guilt are common. In many cases, instances of rape go unreported and the victim is left with the aftermath. Although it may not seem like a big deal at first, the emotional and psychological damage of rape can be prevalent in your life for years to come if you do not address the issues. Former rape victims are often isolated and angry. In addition, they have a difficult time forming relationships, and can have a disdain towards women or men, depending on the gender of the original perpetrator.

If you are a past rape victim, there are still ways to get help even long after you are able to make a case against a perpetrator. Rape cases are only dismissed due to a lack of evidence. Try talking to a close relative or friend. If you are in a situation where your family tries to hide the incident, then they are not helping you, but actually hindering your efforts of recovering from rape trauma.

There are a plethora of counselors that can help rape victims recover from the psychological damage left by the perpetrator. Do not avoid counseling for fear that you cannot afford it. There is help available sometimes at no cost through interpersonal counseling as well as through telephone hotlines. Victims never deserve rape or the following personal impacts.

Filed Under: Mental Health Tagged With: ,

Emotional Abuse Can be as Painfal as Physical Abuse

Emotional abuse is often overlooked, as it does not have proof like bruises or scars. However, emotional abuse is the most common type of abuse. It can occur in any type of relationship, between husband and wife, parent and child, boyfriend and girlfriend, and even between supposed friends.

Name-calling is the most obvious form of emotional abuse. This is not the occasional outburst that one later feels bad about. The name-calling is constant and is repeated even when the other person is doing their best to please.

Emotional abuse is prevalent among relationships and is not a random act, because it takes really knowing a person for the perpetrator to be able to conduct the abuse. An emotional abuser knows your fears and doubts and can play on those. For example, if you have a fear of a particular place or thing, the abuser will constantly throw it in your face and make you feel bad and humiliated.

Parents that use emotional abuse against their children as a control mechanism risk delayed development socially and mentally. Parents tend to abuse their children in this way intentionally sometimes out of malice, but it more commonly stems from a lack of confidence in traditional parenting skills. Examples of parental emotional abuse include teasing, constant criticism, name-calling, invalidation and abandonment.

Your emotional abuser likely makes you afraid to seek for help and may even make you feel like they are not the problem. Any form of abuse, whether physical or non-physical is not okay and it is never the victim’s fault. If you do not have the courage to access professional help, at least confide in a friend or family member who can seek help for you.

If you suspect a friend or a family member is in an abusive relationship, reach out to him immediately. Do not be aggressive, or else he might shut down. Listen and offer support.

Filed Under: Domestic Abuse, Sexual Abuse Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Denying Rape Leads to Long-Term Consequences

Rape is most prevalent among young women, with men being the perpetrators. However, both men and women of all ages are potential victims of rape. Rape itself is physically, emotionally, and psychologically damaging. Often times, a victim is too embarrassed to come forward, based on the circumstances. For example, a young college student raped after drinking might feel that she somehow deserved being victimized. However, telling yourself things like this is not helpful, and you do not do yourself any justice.

Rape victims are never at fault, though feelings of guilt are common. In many cases, instances of rape go unreported and the victim is left with the aftermath. Although it may not seem like a big deal at first, the emotional and psychological damage of rape can be prevalent in your life for years to come if you do not address the issues. Former rape victims are often isolated and angry. In addition, they have a difficult time forming relationships, and can have a disdain towards women or men, depending on the gender of the original perpetrator.

If you are a past rape victim, there are still ways to get help even long after you are able to make a case against a perpetrator. Rape cases are only dismissed due to a lack of evidence. Try talking to a close relative or friend. If you are in a situation where your family tries to hide the incident, then they are not helping you, but actually hindering your efforts of recovering from rape trauma.

There are a plethora of counselors that can help rape victims recover from the psychological damage left by the perpetrator. Do not avoid counseling for fear that you cannot afford it. There is help available sometimes at no cost through interpersonal counseling as well as through telephone hotlines. Victims never deserve rape or the following personal impacts.

Filed Under: Disabilities, Sexual Abuse Tagged With: , , , , , , ,
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