Breaking the Pattern

May 19, 2011 by Leave a Comment
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One problem that many abuse victims face is the tendency to go right back to an abusive relationship. Whether this means going back to the same relationship as before or entering a new relationship that is just as bad as the previous, this makes any recovery that has been made for nothing. Preventing future abuse is an important, though often undervalued, step to recovery.

When one is in an abusive relationship, there are several important steps to take in escaping the abuse. It is very important to escape the relationship and seek help, but one of the most under-appreciated steps in recovery in preventing the pattern to repeat itself.

In preventing abuse, it is important to identify certain patterns that hint at someone being potentially abusive. For example, abuse often comes from people that seem overly romantic, to the point of declaring “undying love” for you before your first date. Also, he or she might want to know where you are and what you are doing at any given time. This might seem like he or she is just interested in your life, but it is often a symptom of obsession, which often leads to abuse. Also, if he or she constantly complains about things, such as your weight or habits, this can lead to verbal abuse. Also be careful if a person has obvious anger issues, which are often first apparent as road rage or the like, since these issues are tell-tale signs of potential abuse.

If you believe you are in a relationship that could become abusive, seek help. You do not want to make the mistake of waiting.

Filed Under: Preventing, Sexual Abuse Tagged With: , ,

Preventing Child Abuse

March 24, 2011 by Leave a Comment

As a parent you do what ever you can to protect your children. The rate for child abuse and sexual abuse is at an all time high. For girls, one in four will experience sexual abuse before they turn 18 and one in six boys will be abused sexually before they’re 18. Most of child abuse cases were the result of a family member or friend abusing the kid.

It’s important to know what the warning signs would be for child abuse. It’s the main step in preventing your child from having to go through this. Many kids won’t completely understand what’s going on and they could be scared or embarrassed to say anything. This is why knowing the signs of child abuse are crucial in preventing it.

The biggest signs of child abuse would be redness or swelling in their genital area. They might also get a urinary tract infection. There are several emotional signs of abuse that would include depression, sudden anger and withdrawal.

If your child all of a sudden is too scared to be around a family member, ask why. That could be a sign that something’s happening.

If you’re suspecting that something is happening to your child, make sure he or she is never alone with another adult. Even is the adult is a person you know well, even trust. Often times your child will be abused by a close friend or family member, even a person you love and trust. That person will even do whatever they can to gain your trust and get alone time with your child.

Be open and honest. Talk to them about what abuse is and how it should never happen. Keep communicating with your child so they know they can talk to you about anything.

This is your child’s life you’re protecting, do what ever you can to prevent child abuse from happening.

Filed Under: Domestic Abuse, Preventing Tagged With: , ,

Coping With Abuse

March 20, 2011 by Leave a Comment
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Abuse is when someone is controlling or exerting power onto another person. This could be anything from physical and emotion violence to manipulation. The victim of abuse almost always knows her abuser. If you’re currently in a relationship that’s abusive, it’s important that you put an end to things so you’re not longer the victim.

If you’re scared to talk to a friend or family member, speak with a qualified professional at the National Domestic Abuse Hotline. People there have experience with abuse and everything is confidential. Getting advice on coping with abuse is the first step in healing from this ordeal.

Speaking with a psychologist will help you cope with abuse. Sometimes speaking with a professional who doesn’t know you is easier than speaking with your friend or parent. It’s important that you do talk to someone because dealing with abuse is going to take a toll on you emotionally and you shouldn’t have to go through it alone.

Abuse is never OK, no matter what. If your husband or boyfriend is being abusive, get out of the relationship. Contact your family and friends and ask for their support and help getting out of the situation.

When you’re getting out of your home it’s important to be as quick as possibly and make sure someone is with you. You’re in the middle of leaving an abuser and things could get bad if he returns home. Do this in the middle of the day and have someone with you. Have a plan with other people about what should be done if they don’t hear from you.

Joining a support group for people who were abused can really help in the process of moving on. You can speak openly about what you dealt with and how you’re feeling. These groups are full of people who are in the same situation as you and want to help.

Filed Under: General, Support group Tagged With: , ,

Helping A Victim Who Was Abused

March 16, 2011 by Leave a Comment

Domestic abuse is a violent crime going on all throughout the United States. About 4.8 million women will be raped or assaulted by someone they know. Almost 30 percent of women reported that their husband or boyfriend abused them. If you think your friend or someone in your family is being abused it’s important to step in and do what you can to help.

When you know for sure your friend is being abused it’s crucial that you confront her right away. But be prepared because she might be in denial and start feeling a little defensive. These are normal reactions, but she has to know what’s happening is a crime. Just remind her you’re concerned for her safety and you want to help her through this horrible time.

When a victim is talking to you about her abuse, it’s important for you to listen and offer support without being judgmental. Being abused by your husband is toxic to you both physically and emotionally. It’s important that your friend understands that this is not her fault. This might be difficult, but don’t talk horribly about the abuser, this is going to make her angry and decide not to talk to you about the situation.

Sit with your friend about creating an idea for her to get away from her abusive husband. A safety plan is something that will be used when you’re trying to get out of a horrible situation as quickly and safely as possible. Think of all the possible exits and time that she can get her things and move out of the home. A few law websites will say she should have a suitcase that has some clothes, money, social security cards, personal items, her banking items and any other important information she may need. Write down a list of people she can call if there’s an emergency.

Domestic abuse is a horrible situation for anyone to be in. If you know someone being abused it’s crucial that you step in and to help your friend or family member out of a bad situation.

Filed Under: Rehab, Support group Tagged With: , ,

Escaping Your Abuser

March 7, 2011 by Leave a Comment

Domestic violence is when a person in a relationship is either emotional of physically harmed by their partner. The abuser will use violence in order to become the dominant one in the relationship. It’s important that anyone currently in an abusive relationship to leave that person as quickly as possible, but to stay safe.

If the violence is getting out of control, leave your place immediately. Head to your local crisis center or police station to seek help. The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence has a website that will list all their locations in your area.

As soon as you can, remember to change both your home number and cell phone. Only give the new number to those you trust. If he tries to contact you in any way, it’s important to document it as evidence for police.

With an abuse claims it’s important to have physical evidence. Without it, he could walk free. If you’ve got bruises, take photos. This is evidence that will help you put him behind bars if you make the brave decision to press charges.

If you think he could find you, figure out a new escape route. It’s best to not go into a room like your room, which has potential weapons.

If possible, get yourself a new routine. Go a different way to work and be sure to leave your home at a different time. It’s better to leave earlier than you normally do. These small changes could help keep your abuser away.

Speak with someone who has experience with domestic abuse. The only way to heal and move forward is to talk about it. They could also help you if you’re interested in pressing charges, but is too afraid too. File a permanent restraining order. This means your abuser can’t legally go within a certain amount of distance from you.

If you need to get items back from your abuser, do it in a public space and in broad daylight. If you can have a friend or someone else go with you and a precaution.

Filed Under: Domestic Abuse Tagged With: , ,

Preventing Domestic Abuse

February 16, 2011 by Leave a Comment

You read about domestic abuse all the time in the news. It’s a horrific crime that uses psychological, physical and emotional abuse so that he or she can take complete control of their victim’s life. Both men and women are victims of domestic abuse and it’s the least reported crime in the United States.

It’s been reported that kids who witness domestic abuse in the home will suffer from the horrible memories for the rest of their lives. This is a serious issue that could lead to an injury, or worse, someone’s death. This is why it’s extremely important to report any cases of domestic abuse to authorities.

Preventing domestic abuse can really help save lives.

The first step is learning about domestic abuse. If people are more aware if they would have a better shot at noticing the signs of abuse. People also need to understand that violence against another person is never going to be acceptable… ever.

Spread awareness of domestic abuse. This is a serious crime that more people need to know about. Take part in fundraisers that support any local organizations that help victims of domestic abuse. The more money they raise, the more awareness they could spread.

If you notice anyone who could be a victim of domestic abuse, talk to that person. If that the person is being abused, contact the police immediately. People being abused are often times to terrified to report it, give that person the support and help they need to report their abuser.

Domestic abuse is a crime that’s happening far too often. It’s time to stand a stand and do what has to be done in order to prevent or help stop domestic abuse.

Filed Under: Dating, Domestic Abuse Tagged With: , ,

Reporting Domestic Abuse

February 10, 2011 by Leave a Comment

Being a victim of domestic abuse isn’t something people should have to experience, but unfortunately it’s happening more and more. It’s important to know that if you or someone who you know was a victim of domestic abuse, it’s crucial that the abuser is reported.

Reporting it to the police and courts is the first step, than you’ll want to get a restraining order against your abuser. Don’t let him win. Being quiet could potentially make things work. Reporting domestic abuse is crucial if you want the abuser to pay for what he done.

Take all your information and put them together. If you weren’t abused and you’re the one reporting for a friend, you’re going to need the address and know the time of the abuse, police are going to ask for it. Write down all the details that were given to you. This is a hard thing to do since you’re recalling information about a horrific event.

Call 911 as soon as the domestic abuse happens and tell the police exactly what happened. This is going to be hard, but it’s important in stopping the domestic abuse. If you have a safe area at the location, go there and wait for police to show up. Don’t answer the door until they arrive.

If you can’t talk to family and friends, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline to report your abuse. They’re there to help.

Once you’ve reported the abuse, be prepared to go to court. You’ll be there as a witness, which will make your case stronger and nail the abuser.

Seeking counseling could help you heal from being abused. Find a counselor who has experience dealing with domestic abuse victims.

Filed Under: Dating, Domestic Abuse Tagged With: , ,

Recognizing The Signs of Abuse

February 3, 2011 by Leave a Comment

It’s unfortunate to report this, but the least reported crime is domestic violence because of the fear of the abuser coming back after them. The abuser has a strong mental control over their victim that the fear stops them from reporting it. If someone doesn’t report it, the victim has to rely on someone else recognizing the signs of abuse in hopes of being saved.

When it comes to recognizing the signs of abuse, it’s important, and I mean important, to make sure what you’re witnessing is abuse. Falsely accusing someone is a serious thing that could create problems in your friendship. Reporting abuse because of a “felling” your have with zero evidence can create a lot of problems for the parties involved.

Go online to find the number to a domestic abuse hotline. Many states offer toll-free numbers that you can call anonymously.

Bruises will be the most common sign of abuse. If you see any bruises around the eyes or throat, that’s a huge sign of domestic abuse. Other areas would include the arms, abs and thighs. If the bruises are in different shades, this means there’s been more than one occasion of abuse. Contact the police immediately if you see this because it’s a huge sign of abuse.

Once you’ve noticed the bruises, ask the person how the bruises got there. Don’t directly ask if they’re being abused because they could be in denial or get really nervous. The most used excuse abuse victims will use is that it was an “accident” or they “fell.”

Notice any changes in their personality? If they go from calm to defensive, that’s a big sign they’re being abused. Victims will also stop hanging around with friends and completely isolate themselves to only hanging out with their boyfriend.

If you’re sure your friend is being abused and you have proof, report it to police right away.

Filed Under: Disabilities, Domestic Abuse Tagged With: , ,

Stop The Domestic Abuse Cycle

February 1, 2011 by Leave a Comment

Abuse is a horrible situation that many people should have to suffer through, but it happens. If you were abused when you were a child, the abuse cycle will more than likely keep going even into your adulthood. You’re able to learn your behaviors and how to react during certain situations that could begin developing when you enter a new relationship. Your first thought is, don’t trust that person. You’ve quickly developed the idea that you’ve got to keep yourself safe and void getting hurt. You probably find yourself being angry towards other people who you felt were supposed to love your and protect you from harm.

People need to do what they can to stop the domestic abuse cycle. This is where people should do research on abuse. Learning why people are abused and how the cycle continues will help deal with the pain. While it’s a long process, it’s something that many people should learn about.

Sometimes it helps talking to someone who has been through what you have.

When you’re a kid, you’re too young to understand what’s going on and how you can defend yourself. You were just a child then. As an adult it’s important to learn how to cope with the situation. Talking about the past is going to be hard and it’s something that you can’t always prepare for. How does one really prepare for talking about something as horrible as abuse? The abuse is something that you should and really need to talk about. Burring it deep and just ignoring it will only make things worse down the road. Admitting to how it’s affected your life and wanting to move on is important in the healing process.

Don’t just say you want things to change, make the change happen. This is easier said than done, but taking action is the only real way to move on. Don’t let your anger get the best of you and never ever give up. You’re not perfect and being abused did some damage, but it doesn’t have to affect your life anymore.

Filed Under: Dating, Domestic Abuse Tagged With: , ,

Emotional Abuse Can be as Painfal as Physical Abuse

December 21, 2010 by Leave a Comment

Emotional abuse is often overlooked, as it does not have proof like bruises or scars. However, emotional abuse is the most common type of abuse. It can occur in any type of relationship, between husband and wife, parent and child, boyfriend and girlfriend, and even between supposed friends.

Name-calling is the most obvious form of emotional abuse. This is not the occasional outburst that one later feels bad about. The name-calling is constant and is repeated even when the other person is doing their best to please.

Emotional abuse is prevalent among relationships and is not a random act, because it takes really knowing a person for the perpetrator to be able to conduct the abuse. An emotional abuser knows your fears and doubts and can play on those. For example, if you have a fear of a particular place or thing, the abuser will constantly throw it in your face and make you feel bad and humiliated.

Parents that use emotional abuse against their children as a control mechanism risk delayed development socially and mentally. Parents tend to abuse their children in this way intentionally sometimes out of malice, but it more commonly stems from a lack of confidence in traditional parenting skills. Examples of parental emotional abuse include teasing, constant criticism, name-calling, invalidation and abandonment.

Your emotional abuser likely makes you afraid to seek for help and may even make you feel like they are not the problem. Any form of abuse, whether physical or non-physical is not okay and it is never the victim’s fault. If you do not have the courage to access professional help, at least confide in a friend or family member who can seek help for you.

If you suspect a friend or a family member is in an abusive relationship, reach out to him immediately. Do not be aggressive, or else he might shut down. Listen and offer support.

Filed Under: Domestic Abuse, Sexual Abuse Tagged With: , , , , , , ,
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