How to Help Your Abused Friend

August 15, 2011 by Leave a Comment

There are many forms of abuse. Physical abuse is easily discernible. Verbal and emotional abuse are much more rampant, and more difficult to deal with because the scars are on the inside. Helping a friend through the process of accepting they have been abused and helping them heal takes patience, listening, and loving unconditionally.

First, your friend has to tell her story in her own way. Many times the abuse has gone on so long, and been so devastating that to protect herself she talks around it. Be ready to listen to the story several times. As she tells it and sees you are not upset, she will begin to tell more of what happened and how she feels.

Once trust is established, you can begin to talk about getting some help. Help can be in the form of a support group, counselor, or maybe someone who has been through something similar and recovered. Professional help can be sought by searching a site such as canada 411. It is important to note that your friend will not get better right away, but will ebb and flow through recovering, remembering, and withdrawing. This is part of the process.

Your friend will need you to create a positive environment. Doing kind things, reminding her what her gifts are and how you like them, and standing by her when she has to deal with an issue or let something out is giving her the support she needs to recover. Often, after a counselor visit your friend will need you. Sometimes after releasing some of the poison, your friend will feel unsettled as past thoughts and overwhelming emotions come up. Having a catch phrase such as, “It’s okay,” to say after an event releases the tension.

Filed Under: Drug Treatment, General Tagged With: , ,

Preventing Child Abuse

March 24, 2011 by Leave a Comment

As a parent you do what ever you can to protect your children. The rate for child abuse and sexual abuse is at an all time high. For girls, one in four will experience sexual abuse before they turn 18 and one in six boys will be abused sexually before they’re 18. Most of child abuse cases were the result of a family member or friend abusing the kid.

It’s important to know what the warning signs would be for child abuse. It’s the main step in preventing your child from having to go through this. Many kids won’t completely understand what’s going on and they could be scared or embarrassed to say anything. This is why knowing the signs of child abuse are crucial in preventing it.

The biggest signs of child abuse would be redness or swelling in their genital area. They might also get a urinary tract infection. There are several emotional signs of abuse that would include depression, sudden anger and withdrawal.

If your child all of a sudden is too scared to be around a family member, ask why. That could be a sign that something’s happening.

If you’re suspecting that something is happening to your child, make sure he or she is never alone with another adult. Even is the adult is a person you know well, even trust. Often times your child will be abused by a close friend or family member, even a person you love and trust. That person will even do whatever they can to gain your trust and get alone time with your child.

Be open and honest. Talk to them about what abuse is and how it should never happen. Keep communicating with your child so they know they can talk to you about anything.

This is your child’s life you’re protecting, do what ever you can to prevent child abuse from happening.

Filed Under: Domestic Abuse, Preventing Tagged With: , ,

Healing After Dealing With Sexual Abuse As A Child

March 9, 2011 by Leave a Comment

More people are finding that it’s hard dealing with the horrific fact that they were sexually abused as a child. There are aftereffects for anyone who experience abuse.

Most of the time as a child you’re repressing those horrible memories and you’ve been able to forget about it until you’re an adult. There are people who as adults remember vividly the sexual abuse they experience when they were a kid. Healing after dealing with sexual abuse as a child can be difficult for many people, but it’s something that in time will happen. As a child, you’re unable to fully understand what’s going on let alone know how to heal.

The first step in the healing process would be to admit that it happened and that it was a serious crime and you were horribly violated. Anyone who has experience any kind of abuse usually suffers from low self-esteem, which was caused from the abuser.

Going to a support group or therapist could help the healing process since talking about horrific events could help. A therapist will be there with you so you’re able to deal with the emotional pain and effects of being sexual abused when you were a kid. Keeping things built up inside is only going to make things worse.

There are more than just focus groups you can attend; you have the option to be part of a program that’s a 12-step that’s for survivors of sexual abuse.   There are many groups that hospitals and clinics are offering to those who were victims of sexual abuse as a child.

Some professionals have even said that writing in a journal is a great way for a victim to start their healing process. Sometimes people can’t share their thoughts out loud and writing about it could help. Another option would be to write multiple letters to your abusers. These letters won’t be mailed, it’s another way to speak your mind and be open and honest about how you’re feeling.

These are things that you can do when you’re trying to move on from being sexual abused.

Filed Under: Domestic Abuse, Sexual Abuse Tagged With: , ,

Stop The Domestic Abuse Cycle

February 1, 2011 by Leave a Comment

Abuse is a horrible situation that many people should have to suffer through, but it happens. If you were abused when you were a child, the abuse cycle will more than likely keep going even into your adulthood. You’re able to learn your behaviors and how to react during certain situations that could begin developing when you enter a new relationship. Your first thought is, don’t trust that person. You’ve quickly developed the idea that you’ve got to keep yourself safe and void getting hurt. You probably find yourself being angry towards other people who you felt were supposed to love your and protect you from harm.

People need to do what they can to stop the domestic abuse cycle. This is where people should do research on abuse. Learning why people are abused and how the cycle continues will help deal with the pain. While it’s a long process, it’s something that many people should learn about.

Sometimes it helps talking to someone who has been through what you have.

When you’re a kid, you’re too young to understand what’s going on and how you can defend yourself. You were just a child then. As an adult it’s important to learn how to cope with the situation. Talking about the past is going to be hard and it’s something that you can’t always prepare for. How does one really prepare for talking about something as horrible as abuse? The abuse is something that you should and really need to talk about. Burring it deep and just ignoring it will only make things worse down the road. Admitting to how it’s affected your life and wanting to move on is important in the healing process.

Don’t just say you want things to change, make the change happen. This is easier said than done, but taking action is the only real way to move on. Don’t let your anger get the best of you and never ever give up. You’re not perfect and being abused did some damage, but it doesn’t have to affect your life anymore.

Filed Under: Dating, Domestic Abuse Tagged With: , ,

Emotional Abuse Can be as Painfal as Physical Abuse

December 21, 2010 by Leave a Comment

Emotional abuse is often overlooked, as it does not have proof like bruises or scars. However, emotional abuse is the most common type of abuse. It can occur in any type of relationship, between husband and wife, parent and child, boyfriend and girlfriend, and even between supposed friends.

Name-calling is the most obvious form of emotional abuse. This is not the occasional outburst that one later feels bad about. The name-calling is constant and is repeated even when the other person is doing their best to please.

Emotional abuse is prevalent among relationships and is not a random act, because it takes really knowing a person for the perpetrator to be able to conduct the abuse. An emotional abuser knows your fears and doubts and can play on those. For example, if you have a fear of a particular place or thing, the abuser will constantly throw it in your face and make you feel bad and humiliated.

Parents that use emotional abuse against their children as a control mechanism risk delayed development socially and mentally. Parents tend to abuse their children in this way intentionally sometimes out of malice, but it more commonly stems from a lack of confidence in traditional parenting skills. Examples of parental emotional abuse include teasing, constant criticism, name-calling, invalidation and abandonment.

Your emotional abuser likely makes you afraid to seek for help and may even make you feel like they are not the problem. Any form of abuse, whether physical or non-physical is not okay and it is never the victim’s fault. If you do not have the courage to access professional help, at least confide in a friend or family member who can seek help for you.

If you suspect a friend or a family member is in an abusive relationship, reach out to him immediately. Do not be aggressive, or else he might shut down. Listen and offer support.

Filed Under: Domestic Abuse, Sexual Abuse Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Relationship Between Domestic Abuse and Money Problems

December 19, 2010 by Leave a Comment

Money troubles are the top reason why couples get divorced. Money issues can strain all types of relationships, whether you are married or not. Although money is not everything, our livelihood depends on it. You cannot pay rent or mortgage, pay for transportation, or even buy necessities such as food and clothing without it. The less money there is going around, the more stress there is.

Money often lead to blame. A laid-off father feels like less of a man and he can feel even worse if he thinks the family looks down upon him. Instances like an unprecedented unemployment rate cannot be helped, but it does not improve a family’s situation or bring about that lost income. Blaming a partner increases stress and leads to a greater chance of abuse. This can be physical or emotional. In fact, incessant blaming is a form of emotional abuse.

Whenever the economy turns, instances of abuse increase. The news fills with stories of family members that snap and turn on each other. In worse case scenarios, some even kill out of emotion and desperation. Although such persons are pressured, this is certainly not an excuse for violence. In fact, some people may use this as an excuse to justify their actions.

Given the increased chance of abuse from a lack of money, some wrongly conclude that a plethora of money will solve their needs. It is not the amount of money that puts families at ease, but the lack of stress from having enough money so that a family can meet its basic needs.

No matter what your family’s financial circumstance, there is never an excuse for violence. If you and your partner’s money issues are affecting your relationship, seek counseling. If you are a victim of abuse, seek professional help or ask a friend for help. Whenever faced with a financial crisis, it is best to keep your cool and work on issues together.

Filed Under: Domestic Abuse, Sexual Abuse Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

How Children Show Signs of Abuse

December 17, 2010 by Leave a Comment

Children have a more difficult type expressing abuse. In some cases, they are too young to explain it or are so used to it that it is a regular occurrence to them. In other cases, children are afraid to talk. Abusive adults will belittle them and make them feel that they have no where to turn to. If they do, there can be greater consequences.

First, it is important to note that there are different types of abuse. Physical abuse is the most predominant type of abuse, but it can be hard to detect if the child hides the evidence under clothing or bandages. If you ask about burns, scratches, or bruises, a child will typically act nervous and make up a lie, deeming the cause as an accident.

Neglect is another form of abuse. In such cases, you can visibly see that the child is not properly cared for, and perhaps has torn clothing or is unkempt. Neglect also involves constantly leaving a child home alone or failure to pick them up from places such as school.

Emotional abuse also involves neglect, but encompasses other signs. Emotionally abusive parents constantly talk down to their child, making them feel worthless and unloved. A lack of self-esteem is exhibited by children who are emotionally abused. Such children also act below their age.

Children also exhibit certain signs of sexual abuse. They may be afraid to go home or be around other adults. During gym or sports activities, they might not want to go to the locker room. Bedwetting is common in younger sexually abused children.

The last thing you want to do is wrongly accuse a parent of child abuse. In some cases, it is difficult to detect. When in doubt, seek the advice of a counselor or attempt to approach the child your self. If you ever suspect child abuse, do not hesitate to contact your local child welfare agency.

Filed Under: Domestic Abuse, Sexual Abuse Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

How to Break the Pattern of Consecutive Abusive Relationships

December 8, 2010 by Leave a Comment

Abuse can occur in any type of relationship, whether it be between spouses, friends, co-workers, and parent and child. There are also different forms of abuse. Physical is the most obvious, while emotional abuse is the most common. Abuse is stemmed from a person’s desire to control another. It is easier to try and control someone you are close to, since you know their vulnerabilities. People who control others in an abusive relationship are likely to do so in other relationships.

You may have been in an abusive relationship and were able to leave it after some time. It takes a lot of courage and can be frightening, particularly if the perpetrator threatens you with violence, lack of money, or by ruining your reputation in some way. In some cases, victims of abusive relationships might undergo abuse in other future relationships.

Keep in mind that abuse stems from a longing for control. Some victims are more susceptible to control, perhaps because have a laid-back personality. In other cases, victims have been abused for so many years that they do not know any other way. Those who were victims of parental abuse, for example, are more likely to become victims in other relationships during adulthood.

Abuse is never the victim’s fault. However, if you find yourself getting out of one abusive relationship only to enter another, it may be time to reflect on this pattern. What is it that attracts you to these relationships? Does the controlling aspect initially make you feel secure? By figuring out these factors, you may help yourself break the pattern of abusive relationships.

It is hard to figure out the answers, especially if you have been a long-term victim of abuse. Counseling can help you recover from abuse and help give you the self-esteem and courage to break free from abusive cycles.

Filed Under: Sexual Abuse Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Child Witnesses: When Family Violence Seems Normal

December 6, 2010 by Leave a Comment

It is difficult to imagine that violence is considered the norm in some families. It is even more disheartening to think that children might grow up witnessing violence and thinking that the behavior is acceptable. Children are impressionable and the way their parents behave towards other people helps mold their behavioral skills.

In some homes, a parent is regularly violent against the other parent. Younger children are more likely to think that such actions are normal. For example, a father might hit a child’s mother out of shear anger. For someone extremely young these actions probably seem okay, since it is assumed that parents know everything and are always right.

The older that children become, they might recognize that these behaviors are not acceptable. They will begin to identify the emotions of the victim and recognize any violent patterns that exist in the home. Children will also see their friends’ families and how they act toward one another. If violence is not the norm in those households, then the child will begin to question his families’ actions.

It becomes more disconcerting is a child is abused by his parents. Again, the violence may seem normal to a young child because he doesn’t know any different. Once he is more emotionally developed and exposed to the world, he may recognize that he is a victim of parental abuse.

How does a child get help when a normal child usually turns to her parents for any life crisis? Children are not as apt to come forward since they are afraid of an abusive parent. The abuse may also make them question the reliability of other adults in their life. If a child does come to you, listen carefully and contact the appropriate authorities. Also do the same if you alone suspect family violence going on in a particular household.

Filed Under: Domestic Abuse, Sexual Abuse Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Female Abusers are Not Uncommon

December 3, 2010 by Leave a Comment

When you think about relationship abuse, you are more likely to picture a man as an abuser and a female as a victim. Surprisingly, the number of female abusers is on the rise. There are a variety of factors for this, just as there are a number of psychological reasons why people abuse others in the first place. The fact remains that abusing is not just a man’s role, but women abuse men in their lives as well.

Abuse stems from control. In the past, women were expected to be subservient to their husbands. As a result, many women did not put up a fight against relationship abuse. Sadly, abuse was accepted and rarely questioned. The role of a woman was to please their man in every way. If they came up short, then they deserved it.

Since the feminist movement, an awareness of relationship violence has increased. In today’s society, it is expected that women be treated equally. To follow suit, boys are raised to treat girls with respect.

The change in society may explain why there is an increase in abuse on the part of women. This is not because women expect to be more powerful, but rather these particular women do not fear the consequences of abusing their men. In most cases, the abuse is emotional. These women want everything on their terms. Thus, they control their partners, make them feel guilty, and belittle them in order to get their way. Today, the majority of men do not fight back against female abuse, because they are taught to hold their partners with the utmost respect.

Respect is a critical part of any successful relationship. However, respect does not equate to an excuse for relationship abuse. The dynamics of abuse are becoming more difficult to identify as both sexes can equally be the perpetrators.

Filed Under: Sexual Abuse Tagged With: , , , , , , ,
«Older Posts