Domestic Violence | Rape and Sexual Abuse Support Center

Relationship Between Domestic Abuse and Money Problems

Money troubles are the top reason why couples get divorced. Money issues can strain all types of relationships, whether you are married or not. Although money is not everything, our livelihood depends on it. You cannot pay rent or mortgage, pay for transportation, or even buy necessities such as food and clothing without it. The less money there is going around, the more stress there is.

Money often lead to blame. A laid-off father feels like less of a man and he can feel even worse if he thinks the family looks down upon him. Instances like an unprecedented unemployment rate cannot be helped, but it does not improve a familyâ€™s situation or bring about that lost income. Blaming a partner increases stress and leads to a greater chance of abuse. This can be physical or emotional. In fact, incessant blaming is a form of emotional abuse.

Whenever the economy turns, instances of abuse increase. The news fills with stories of family members that snap and turn on each other. In worse case scenarios, some even kill out of emotion and desperation. Although such persons are pressured, this is certainly not an excuse for violence. In fact, some people may use this as an excuse to justify their actions.

Given the increased chance of abuse from a lack of money, some wrongly conclude that a plethora of money will solve their needs. It is not the amount of money that puts families at ease, but the lack of stress from having enough money so that a family can meet its basic needs.

No matter what your familyâ€™s financial circumstance, there is never an excuse for violence. If you and your partnerâ€™s money issues are affecting your relationship, seek counseling. If you are a victim of abuse, seek professional help or ask a friend for help. Whenever faced with a financial crisis, it is best to keep your cool and work on issues together.

Filed Under: Domestic Abuse, Sexual Abuse Tagged With: Abuse, Blame, Child abuse, Domestic violence, Family (biology), New Jersey, Psychological abuse, Violence and Abuse

How to Break the Pattern of Consecutive Abusive Relationships

Abuse can occur in any type of relationship, whether it be between spouses, friends, co-workers, and parent and child. There are also different forms of abuse. Physical is the most obvious, while emotional abuse is the most common. Abuse is stemmed from a personâ€™s desire to control another. It is easier to try and control someone you are close to, since you know their vulnerabilities. People who control others in an abusive relationship are likely to do so in other relationships.

You may have been in an abusive relationship and were able to leave it after some time. It takes a lot of courage and can be frightening, particularly if the perpetrator threatens you with violence, lack of money, or by ruining your reputation in some way. In some cases, victims of abusive relationships might undergo abuse in other future relationships.

Keep in mind that abuse stems from a longing for control. Some victims are more susceptible to control, perhaps because have a laid-back personality. In other cases, victims have been abused for so many years that they do not know any other way. Those who were victims of parental abuse, for example, are more likely to become victims in other relationships during adulthood.

Abuse is never the victimâ€™s fault. However, if you find yourself getting out of one abusive relationship only to enter another, it may be time to reflect on this pattern. What is it that attracts you to these relationships? Does the controlling aspect initially make you feel secure? By figuring out these factors, you may help yourself break the pattern of abusive relationships.

It is hard to figure out the answers, especially if you have been a long-term victim of abuse. Counseling can help you recover from abuse and help give you the self-esteem and courage to break free from abusive cycles.

Filed Under: Sexual Abuse Tagged With: Abuse, Child abuse, Domestic violence, Health, Mental health, Physical abuse, Psychological abuse, Violence and Abuse

Child Witnesses: When Family Violence Seems Normal

It is difficult to imagine that violence is considered the norm in some families. It is even more disheartening to think that children might grow up witnessing violence and thinking that the behavior is acceptable. Children are impressionable and the way their parents behave towards other people helps mold their behavioral skills.

In some homes, a parent is regularly violent against the other parent. Younger children are more likely to think that such actions are normal. For example, a father might hit a childâ€™s mother out of shear anger. For someone extremely young these actions probably seem okay, since it is assumed that parents know everything and are always right.

The older that children become, they might recognize that these behaviors are not acceptable. They will begin to identify the emotions of the victim and recognize any violent patterns that exist in the home. Children will also see their friendsâ€™ families and how they act toward one another. If violence is not the norm in those households, then the child will begin to question his familiesâ€™ actions.

It becomes more disconcerting is a child is abused by his parents. Again, the violence may seem normal to a young child because he doesnâ€™t know any different. Once he is more emotionally developed and exposed to the world, he may recognize that he is a victim of parental abuse.

How does a child get help when a normal child usually turns to her parents for any life crisis? Children are not as apt to come forward since they are afraid of an abusive parent. The abuse may also make them question the reliability of other adults in their life. If a child does come to you, listen carefully and contact the appropriate authorities. Also do the same if you alone suspect family violence going on in a particular household.

Filed Under: Domestic Abuse, Sexual Abuse Tagged With: Behavior, Child, Child abuse, Domestic violence, Parent, Sexual assault, Violence, Violence and Abuse

Female Abusers are Not Uncommon

When you think about relationship abuse, you are more likely to picture a man as an abuser and a female as a victim. Surprisingly, the number of female abusers is on the rise. There are a variety of factors for this, just as there are a number of psychological reasons why people abuse others in the first place. The fact remains that abusing is not just a manâ€™s role, but women abuse men in their lives as well.

Abuse stems from control. In the past, women were expected to be subservient to their husbands. As a result, many women did not put up a fight against relationship abuse. Sadly, abuse was accepted and rarely questioned. The role of a woman was to please their man in every way. If they came up short, then they deserved it.

Since the feminist movement, an awareness of relationship violence has increased. In todayâ€™s society, it is expected that women be treated equally. To follow suit, boys are raised to treat girls with respect.

The change in society may explain why there is an increase in abuse on the part of women. This is not because women expect to be more powerful, but rather these particular women do not fear the consequences of abusing their men. In most cases, the abuse is emotional. These women want everything on their terms. Thus, they control their partners, make them feel guilty, and belittle them in order to get their way. Today, the majority of men do not fight back against female abuse, because they are taught to hold their partners with the utmost respect.

Respect is a critical part of any successful relationship. However, respect does not equate to an excuse for relationship abuse. The dynamics of abuse are becoming more difficult to identify as both sexes can equally be the perpetrators.

Filed Under: Sexual Abuse Tagged With: Abuse, Child abuse, Domestic violence, Family Violence, Mental health, People, Violence and Abuse, Women

How Can You Help A Victim Of Domestic Abuse? Some Pointers

You may feel a sense of frustration at the fact that you are not a position to help your friend or relative suffering from domestic abuse. You may not be financially well off or may not have a contacts in the world of law enforcement. However, this does not mean you cannot help your friend facing the problem of domestic abuse.

For starters, the mere fact that you are there to listen to what your friend has to say makes a huge difference. The individual who has been abused and suppressed will often try to accommodate what others have to say. They will subject their own opinion and thought to the thoughts of others. In such a scenario, encouraging your friend to speak out and encouraging a friend to have an opinion can be a first step towards recovery.

You may not be an expert in legal matters. However, this does not mean you cannot help your friend get support. Just a quick search on the internet is sufficient to provide detailed information about the various organizations working towards this goal.

From organizations that provide emotional and psychological support to other organizations that initiate legal action against the abuser-there are many solutions available online. You can do this on your own and provide information to your friend so that he or she knows what steps to take and how to overcome the problem.

If your friend has kids, you can take up the task of distracting them from the crisis at hand. Of course, the psychological impact of watching their parent being abused will not go very soon. However, your efforts to restore normalcy and treat them like normal kids is it definitely going to help.

It is important to stay there irrespective of your financial and other abilities. As long as you are there and your friend knows that you can be trusted, it will help him or her tackle the problem faster.

Filed Under: Disabilities, Domestic Abuse Tagged With: Abuse, Domestic violence, Law

Having An Ego Is Essential To Recover From The Problem Of Domestic Abuse

Most individuals underestimate the extent of damage they have suffered due to sexual or domestic abuse. There are innumerable instances where healthy relationships have gone awry because of the person is past experience with abuse. When individual finally walks out of an abusive relationship, he or she invariably loses trust on all human relationships.

This means that the friends and relatives who have supported the victim often end up getting ignored and even insulted. You must understand that this is not intentional. Rather, it is an attempt by the individual to restore balance. The fact that your support was required is obviously going to hurt the ego of the individual.

This may sound paradoxical but the truth is that a person who was willing to submit to domestic abuse from their partner will not be pleased about the fact that he or she has obtained favors from you. You must encourage this paradox because this is the best way to set the individual on the path of recovery. You cannot be there all the time to protect the person from abuse. Rather, you will have to inflate the ego and the confidence of the individual to such an extent that he or she never accepts abuse again.

Former counseling may be required if the extent of abuse has been ongoing for very long time. Do not overestimate your capacity to understand the extent of the problem. Your desire to make everything all right very quickly may work counter productive.

In some cases, it is necessary for the individual to introspect and brood over the loss suffered. This may run contrary to your desires and expectations. Rather than enforcing your view, it is better to have a formally trained counselor take over the task. You can do your bit by directing the individual to the right counselor for maximum benefits.

Filed Under: Disabilities, Domestic Abuse Tagged With: Abuse, Domestic violence, Violence and Abuse

What Is Domestic Abuse? Do Not Be Too Technical About The Whole Issue

Your spouse has just got a fantastic job with a promotion and a he pay rise despite the recession. He or she requests you to quit your temporary job and move with him or her so that you can start life a fresh. You refuse. This leads to arguments and altercations. Can you say that you are a victim of domestic abuse because you’re not given the permission to follow your own career?

Well, if this issue is considered literally, there’s no doubt that you are a victim of domestic abuse. However, your lack of understanding and lack of desire to help the partner progress in career can be construed as domestic abuse. It can be described as abuse by you against your partner.

The issue is important because it affects the mental and physical well being of the individual. Remember, every relationship will have ups and downs because of disagreement between the partners. It need not necessarily qualify for domestic abuse.

Frequently accusing your partner of abuse and threatening to initiate legal action may itself qualify as a symptom of abuse on your part. Rather than focusing on legalities, you should focus on the health of your relationship. There are many couples that have numerous disagreements and yet continue to love each other and respect each other.

If you are satisfied with your relationship and if you feel that you have complete opportunity to live your life the way you want, then you would obviously conclude that such disagreements do not qualify as abuse.

However, if you are losing your individual entity and if you are merely becoming a puppet in the hands of your partner, there’s no doubt that it is very bad situation to be in. Your physical and mental health is going to be affected and you should take remedial action immediately.

Filed Under: Disabilities, Domestic Abuse Tagged With: Domestic violence, Law, Mental health

Who Says That Educated And Empowered Cannot Become Victims Of Abuse?

Many persons believe that they cannot be victims of domestic abuse because they are educated, employed and having a life of their own. Further, they equate physical violence with domestic abuse. Since there is no physical violence, they conclude that they are not being abused in any manner.

Well, any person who is asked to hand over complete financial control to the other partner and who has not given the freedom to have a say in these matters is also a victim of abuse. Remember, excessive control is also a form of abuse.

This often leads to confusing thoughts because there are numerous instances where we have seen other persons in relationships being controlled by their partners. Well, whether the control is excessive enough to qualify for abuse is something that only you can decide. However, it is better to err on the side of caution.

If your partner is loving and caring and if he or she is simply excessively cautious as far as finance are concern, then it may not be abuse. If you have the freedom of taking your own decisions provided you consider what the other person has to say, it cannot be called as abuse. Of course, if you are given choice only for namesake and if you have no option but to obey whatever the other partner says, then it may qualify as domestic abuse.

Rather than focusing on semantics and rather than trying to get into detailed interpretation, you should look for combination of various factors to control whether the relationship itself is abusive or not.

If excessive control is combined with loss of temper, humiliating behavior and even perverse sexual demands in bed, it is obvious that your relationship is suffering from abuse. On the other hand, if none of these factors are present and if there is only a certain level of control in financial matters, it is merely over caution on the part of your partner.

Filed Under: Disabilities, Domestic Abuse Tagged With: Abuse, Domestic violence, Physical abuse

Do Not Try To Hide Behind Silly Justifications For Domestic Abuse

This may sound odd but persons who are abused in a relationship often spend a lot of time and effort convincing themselves that they are not being abused. When people read about such stuff on the internet, they try to compare it with what they are suffering and conclude that it is not as bad as they read on the web. This sort of comparison is introduced into the equation and they conclude that they are not suffering from physical abuse.

In other cases, the fact that abuse has not been frequent is used as an excuse. If you find yourself giving such excuses, you should conclude that you are in an abusive relationship and that you should walk out of it immediately. It does not matter whether you have a formal relationship or whether you are simply living in with your abusive partner. Irrespective of the nature of relationship, you should take steps to eliminate the abuse as quickly as possible.

Why is this so important? There are numerous studies that have indicated that people in abusive relationships suffer a lot more than what they feel or think. There are numerous instances where individuals have been driven to suicide because of an abusive relationship. The controlling partner makes life miserable and leaves the individual with no choice but to take the easy way out.

The worst part is that there are numerous solutions available provided the individual takes the step ahead and discloses the same. There is no need to do everything publicly. Even an anonymous mail dropped in the mailbox or in the e-mail inbox of any organization supporting such persons should be sufficient to lead to action against the abusive partner.

There have been instances where law enforcement authorities have taken immediate action where they anticipated violence against the victim. Hence, you have nothing to worry and can easily move out of an abusive relationship if you play your cards right.

Filed Under: Disabilities, Domestic Abuse Tagged With: Abuse, Domestic violence, Physical abuse

Domestic Abuse – Numerous Official And Non Official Remedies Available

What is preventing you from walking out of an abusive relationship? In most cases, it is a fear that the person may go out of control and may cause physical injury if you fulfill your threat to leave the relationship.

Well, nobody is asking you to be impulsive and put yourself at risk. However, there is a huge difference in taking steps to move out of relationship safely and sticking to it out of fear. You may feel scared to inform the abusive partner to his or her face that you are moving out. However, there is nothing stopping you from walking out of the house bag and baggage when he or she is not around.

What if you are stopped and what if you were treated with violence? Well, you have the right to walk into the nearest the police station and file a complaint. Informing the police that you have been abused will be sufficient to put your partner behind bars.

If you don’t want the matter to reach an official level, you can always have the law enforcement authorities have a word with your partner to lay off from troubling you. In most cases, the fact that you had the courage to walk up to law enforcement authorities will be sufficient to help the abusive partner subside.

If you are not comfortable walking into a police station on your own, you can make use of various support organizations that help people overcome domestic abuse. It may not be necessarily physical abuse. You will get advice on how to prove that you have been abused and how you can overcome the problem.

You will even get advice on how to get a job and how to get fun and joy back in your life. Getting support from third parties will also help you clarify many doubts that may be plaguing you.

Filed Under: Disabilities, Domestic Abuse Tagged With: Domestic violence, Physical abuse, Violence and Abuse