How to Help Your Abused Friend

August 15, 2011 by Leave a Comment

There are many forms of abuse. Physical abuse is easily discernible. Verbal and emotional abuse are much more rampant, and more difficult to deal with because the scars are on the inside. Helping a friend through the process of accepting they have been abused and helping them heal takes patience, listening, and loving unconditionally.

First, your friend has to tell her story in her own way. Many times the abuse has gone on so long, and been so devastating that to protect herself she talks around it. Be ready to listen to the story several times. As she tells it and sees you are not upset, she will begin to tell more of what happened and how she feels.

Once trust is established, you can begin to talk about getting some help. Help can be in the form of a support group, counselor, or maybe someone who has been through something similar and recovered. Professional help can be sought by searching a site such as canada 411. It is important to note that your friend will not get better right away, but will ebb and flow through recovering, remembering, and withdrawing. This is part of the process.

Your friend will need you to create a positive environment. Doing kind things, reminding her what her gifts are and how you like them, and standing by her when she has to deal with an issue or let something out is giving her the support she needs to recover. Often, after a counselor visit your friend will need you. Sometimes after releasing some of the poison, your friend will feel unsettled as past thoughts and overwhelming emotions come up. Having a catch phrase such as, “It’s okay,” to say after an event releases the tension.

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Emotional Abuse Can be as Painfal as Physical Abuse

December 21, 2010 by Leave a Comment

Emotional abuse is often overlooked, as it does not have proof like bruises or scars. However, emotional abuse is the most common type of abuse. It can occur in any type of relationship, between husband and wife, parent and child, boyfriend and girlfriend, and even between supposed friends.

Name-calling is the most obvious form of emotional abuse. This is not the occasional outburst that one later feels bad about. The name-calling is constant and is repeated even when the other person is doing their best to please.

Emotional abuse is prevalent among relationships and is not a random act, because it takes really knowing a person for the perpetrator to be able to conduct the abuse. An emotional abuser knows your fears and doubts and can play on those. For example, if you have a fear of a particular place or thing, the abuser will constantly throw it in your face and make you feel bad and humiliated.

Parents that use emotional abuse against their children as a control mechanism risk delayed development socially and mentally. Parents tend to abuse their children in this way intentionally sometimes out of malice, but it more commonly stems from a lack of confidence in traditional parenting skills. Examples of parental emotional abuse include teasing, constant criticism, name-calling, invalidation and abandonment.

Your emotional abuser likely makes you afraid to seek for help and may even make you feel like they are not the problem. Any form of abuse, whether physical or non-physical is not okay and it is never the victim’s fault. If you do not have the courage to access professional help, at least confide in a friend or family member who can seek help for you.

If you suspect a friend or a family member is in an abusive relationship, reach out to him immediately. Do not be aggressive, or else he might shut down. Listen and offer support.

Filed Under: Domestic Abuse, Sexual Abuse Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

How to Break the Pattern of Consecutive Abusive Relationships

December 8, 2010 by Leave a Comment

Abuse can occur in any type of relationship, whether it be between spouses, friends, co-workers, and parent and child. There are also different forms of abuse. Physical is the most obvious, while emotional abuse is the most common. Abuse is stemmed from a person’s desire to control another. It is easier to try and control someone you are close to, since you know their vulnerabilities. People who control others in an abusive relationship are likely to do so in other relationships.

You may have been in an abusive relationship and were able to leave it after some time. It takes a lot of courage and can be frightening, particularly if the perpetrator threatens you with violence, lack of money, or by ruining your reputation in some way. In some cases, victims of abusive relationships might undergo abuse in other future relationships.

Keep in mind that abuse stems from a longing for control. Some victims are more susceptible to control, perhaps because have a laid-back personality. In other cases, victims have been abused for so many years that they do not know any other way. Those who were victims of parental abuse, for example, are more likely to become victims in other relationships during adulthood.

Abuse is never the victim’s fault. However, if you find yourself getting out of one abusive relationship only to enter another, it may be time to reflect on this pattern. What is it that attracts you to these relationships? Does the controlling aspect initially make you feel secure? By figuring out these factors, you may help yourself break the pattern of abusive relationships.

It is hard to figure out the answers, especially if you have been a long-term victim of abuse. Counseling can help you recover from abuse and help give you the self-esteem and courage to break free from abusive cycles.

Filed Under: Sexual Abuse Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Trying to Beat a Tobacco Addiction

November 18, 2010 by Leave a Comment
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Addiction is a horribly debilitating affliction. You cannot control your actions, and you feel propelled to do something that you know is destructive for your body and your mind. One of the most ruthless of all addictions is the addiction to tobacco. It is the most pervasive additive substance in the world today. It can be attributed to over four hundred thousand deaths every year, and yet, the people who have this addiction are still helpless to do anything about it.

There are millions of people who would like to quit smoking but believe they can’t. The nicotine found in tobacco is one of the most addictive substances known to man. Its withdrawal effects are legendary and include weight gain, irritability, nausea, anxiety, and headaches. For those that would like to quit, it can take up to 8 to 12 weeks for these withdrawal symptoms to subside.

No matter how difficult the symptoms, the benefits of quitting smoking cannot be disputed. Within hours of quitting, your body begins to repair the damage inflicted upon it. Within 20 minutes, your blood pressure begins to return to normal. Within eight hours, the oxygen levels in your blood increase to normal. Within three months, your lung capacity is up by 30 percent. And by five years, your lung cancer death rate drops by half.

To quit smoking, especially for long-time smokers, a concerted effort is required. You need to decide what type of effort would work best for you. Some people truly can quit cold turkey and never look back. However, the majority of smokers must be weaned off of the habit of cigarettes. A good investment would be electronic cigarette starter kits. These machines will help you get the nicotine fix you are craving without the other negative chemicals. Over time, you can diminish the dosage of the nicotine so you don’t crave it anymore.

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Rehab-International.org: Discovering the Truth of Substance Abuse

November 15, 2010 by Leave a Comment
Substance Abuse
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It is an obvious progression, a link between indulgence and the consequence of excess: an individual offers his time to an addiction, devoting moments to the taste of his favored substance. He’s become dependent on the effects, the thrills within his veins, the colors made somehow sharp. It is a visceral reaction that he won’t deny – and he believes there’s no reason to. His life has not been altered. He can still function; he can still speak to those who know nothing of his latest obsession. There is no reason to worry. He is in control…. except he’s not.

One evening becomes too great of an experiment. He offers himself too many inhalations and too few cautions; and the world is shifted into base desires. He is not himself. He is instead shaped to impulses. And the girlfriend who was merely to spend hours studying with him becomes sudden prey.

Substance abuse is far more than a dependence on drugs. It is instead proven to heighten the chance for unprotected intercourse, rape, incest, the transmission of diseases and other sexual offenses. Addiction is not a singular ailment. It instead infects all who come into contact with it.

It is estimated (as of 2010) that 10 percent of all high school females are raped due to the involvement of alcohol. The use of Methamphetamine is proven to stimulate arousal and can triple the chances of an individual being unaware of their partner’s refusals. Taking Ecstasy can lower any user’s inhibitions and make them twice as likely to demand sex. And teens who over-indulge in any form of drugs are 20 percent more likely to be abused.

The facts are clear. The results are devastating.

It is imperative therefore that individuals understand the effects of substance abuse and seek help from sources like Rehab-International.org. Treatment can be accomplished – and it must be accomplished soon.

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Helping An Abuse Victim as a Friend or Family Member

November 2, 2010 by Leave a Comment

Do you have a friend, family member, or other loved one who is a victim of abuse? Do you know how to assist that person in the very best way? The support of loved ones can be a determining factor in how quickly a victim of abuse recovers. There are many things you can do to help.

First, listen. Victims need to communicate thoughts and feelings as they recover. This can be a difficult situation for you, but simply letting them explain how they feel or even just letting them vent about what they are feeling can make a huge difference. You can show support for the individual in many other ways, but through listening, you show that you are really there for them and that you truly care.

Help them seek professional help. In addition to your support, victims need sensitive medical counseling or other kinds of professional help.

Watch for signs that the victim might be inappropriately channeling stress. In some cases, victims of abuse may need help from drug and alcohol treatment centers because they’ve turned to substances or alcohol to help them cope with their situation.

You need to realize that there’s a limit to how much you can help. You may experience feelings of anger, frustration, and helplessness. You should suppress the urge to express those feelings to the survivor. This is very important during the times when the victim may be silent, crying or internalizing.

Remember that you may need special care in this situation as you strive to be sensitive to your loved one. These types of situations can be stressful and detrimental to the closest support person. Since you may not be able to express some emotions, you might want to find other friends or even trained professionals in whom you can confide.

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Filed Under: Rehab, Sex, Sexual Abuse Tagged With: , ,

If Your Child is a Victim Consider Change in Schools

October 21, 2010 by Leave a Comment
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If you or your child have been sexually abused, you can make a civil case and take the offender o court. You can sue for damages for injuries and include the medical bills and lost wages also. Unfortunately, there is still such a social stigma involved with rape that the victim is traumatized not only physically but emotionally as well. Never the less, if there was unwanted touching, it is considered assault and battery. If some one has used their authority in an unreasonable or dishonest way, it is called unlawful restraint.

If you catch some one watching you or listening to you with out your permission, it is called invasion of privacy. When some one intentionally acts in a way that can cause you extreme distress emotionally, it is called negligent infliction of emotional distress.
If this has happened, this person has broken the law. They are the one who needs to stop his inappropriate actions and pay for the damages. They can no longer mess with your emotions and hurt or threaten you or your loved ones.

You or your child may have been abused by some one in authority. If they begin to show signs of shame or guilt and low self esteem, you should look into his schedule of activities deeper. Look for any bruises or if he is suddenly making excuses for not wanting to attend school. If the depression and detachment continue or get worse, you may need to consider changing schools for him. He may not feel safe enough to talk about it until he is out of the environment completely. You will need to make the first move for him.

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Filed Under: Domestic Abuse, Sexual Abuse Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Considered Abuse

October 16, 2010 by Leave a Comment
BERLIN - FEBRUARY 18: Lawyer Ursula Rauer, wh...
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When a person deliberately uses his position in authority as a way to control a situation, this is considered abuse. Often, the person in question really feels weak and takes these actions to feel in control of situations. The abuse can be physical, emotional or sexual in nature. Many times it is the parent or the spouse of the family. It can happen anywhere in any country and any race. These people might a position of authority in the workplace also. be the ones in a The offender will usually stay with a certain pattern of victim or types of abuse. If this goes on unchecked, it is bound to escalate.

If you have been a victim of any kind of abuse do not let it go uncovered and untreated. You should be able to receive treatment at a local community outreach center. They will usually provide the mental health services that you need even if you can not afford to pay for the treatment. Look for your neighbor hood nonprofit center if you have been a victim or in some way affected by sexual abuse or any type of abuse.

You can also maintain an anonymous presence by doing some searching online. There are many sites available for support offered by abuse survivors and local community sources. They are very helpful and can help to keep you focused as you sort through your physical and emotional pain and do your own work to begin the healing process. This would be a great time for you to explore a creative side of you. If you can not put your repressed feeling out in words, how about a poem, or a song, or a drawing.

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Filed Under: Domestic Abuse, Sexual Abuse Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Concerned About the Long Term

October 14, 2010 by Leave a Comment

Let’s say that you have been the victim of abuse. You have never mentioned it to any one but now you are concerned about the long term affects that it may have on your life and the people around you. The best advise for you is to begin right away to heal yourself. Strive to stretch out of your comfort zone a little bit more each day by improving the quality of your life now. Begin by reading stories about others who have overcome the type of abuse that you are now aware was a part of your life, also. Make a note of the things that everyone had in common and the things that worked for each person.

Next, continue to improve on your state of mind by stepping it up a notch and eating only good food, you know the fruits and nutritious vegetables. Lay off of the fast foods and put yourself on an exercise program. Maintain a firm schedule so that you will remember to exercise. Drop any activities that would have a negative effect on your day. Monitor your consumption of television shows and interactions with friends. Avoid listening to bad news all day long or friends who want to complain all day long.

Make better use of all that new free time that you now have available. Sign up for a new college class, learn how to play the piano. Discover yourself all over again. Soon, you may feel strong enough to want to talk about your abuse with some one or perhaps find a support group, even if it is just one online where you won’t even have to sign in. It will still make a difference in your healing. Clean out your closets and give away or throw out what you don’t want, you know what I mean.

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Pay Attention to Actions of Adults

October 12, 2010 by Leave a Comment
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This is an active time that we live in. Many people come and go to different communities often. For those of you who have children, there are times when it will pay for you to be extra vigilant. If you notice an adult, especially one in authority, who is being overly friendly with your child, pay attention. If you see your child talking to an adult an he seems to be touching excessively, pay attention. If you child has received special privileges often and no one else has, some thing is fishy. If it appears that the adult only wants to talk to certain children and ignores all others, it is a concern.

If you are noticing these behaviors by the same adult, they are most likely indicators that something else may be setting up to happen. It is better to take the initiative now and avoid the heartbreak and turmoil later. You make not have enough proof to confront this person, but you can keep your child and other children out of harm’s way. If you do not have any proof, it would be best not to mention this to any one else yet.

You may need to change the child’s schedule or rearrange different hobbies and activities. Your child and their health is more important. In some cases, it is better not to even mention it to the child right away or they may become too emotional. Once they have moved on to different activities, it would be safe to discuss, if you prefer. Unfortunately there are some offenders who find work in a school setting in order to be close in proximity to the age group that they target.

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