Emotional Abuse Can be as Painfal as Physical Abuse

December 21, 2010 by Leave a Comment

Emotional abuse is often overlooked, as it does not have proof like bruises or scars. However, emotional abuse is the most common type of abuse. It can occur in any type of relationship, between husband and wife, parent and child, boyfriend and girlfriend, and even between supposed friends.

Name-calling is the most obvious form of emotional abuse. This is not the occasional outburst that one later feels bad about. The name-calling is constant and is repeated even when the other person is doing their best to please.

Emotional abuse is prevalent among relationships and is not a random act, because it takes really knowing a person for the perpetrator to be able to conduct the abuse. An emotional abuser knows your fears and doubts and can play on those. For example, if you have a fear of a particular place or thing, the abuser will constantly throw it in your face and make you feel bad and humiliated.

Parents that use emotional abuse against their children as a control mechanism risk delayed development socially and mentally. Parents tend to abuse their children in this way intentionally sometimes out of malice, but it more commonly stems from a lack of confidence in traditional parenting skills. Examples of parental emotional abuse include teasing, constant criticism, name-calling, invalidation and abandonment.

Your emotional abuser likely makes you afraid to seek for help and may even make you feel like they are not the problem. Any form of abuse, whether physical or non-physical is not okay and it is never the victim’s fault. If you do not have the courage to access professional help, at least confide in a friend or family member who can seek help for you.

If you suspect a friend or a family member is in an abusive relationship, reach out to him immediately. Do not be aggressive, or else he might shut down. Listen and offer support.

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How to Break the Pattern of Consecutive Abusive Relationships

December 8, 2010 by Leave a Comment

Abuse can occur in any type of relationship, whether it be between spouses, friends, co-workers, and parent and child. There are also different forms of abuse. Physical is the most obvious, while emotional abuse is the most common. Abuse is stemmed from a person’s desire to control another. It is easier to try and control someone you are close to, since you know their vulnerabilities. People who control others in an abusive relationship are likely to do so in other relationships.

You may have been in an abusive relationship and were able to leave it after some time. It takes a lot of courage and can be frightening, particularly if the perpetrator threatens you with violence, lack of money, or by ruining your reputation in some way. In some cases, victims of abusive relationships might undergo abuse in other future relationships.

Keep in mind that abuse stems from a longing for control. Some victims are more susceptible to control, perhaps because have a laid-back personality. In other cases, victims have been abused for so many years that they do not know any other way. Those who were victims of parental abuse, for example, are more likely to become victims in other relationships during adulthood.

Abuse is never the victim’s fault. However, if you find yourself getting out of one abusive relationship only to enter another, it may be time to reflect on this pattern. What is it that attracts you to these relationships? Does the controlling aspect initially make you feel secure? By figuring out these factors, you may help yourself break the pattern of abusive relationships.

It is hard to figure out the answers, especially if you have been a long-term victim of abuse. Counseling can help you recover from abuse and help give you the self-esteem and courage to break free from abusive cycles.

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Female Abusers are Not Uncommon

December 3, 2010 by Leave a Comment

When you think about relationship abuse, you are more likely to picture a man as an abuser and a female as a victim. Surprisingly, the number of female abusers is on the rise. There are a variety of factors for this, just as there are a number of psychological reasons why people abuse others in the first place. The fact remains that abusing is not just a man’s role, but women abuse men in their lives as well.

Abuse stems from control. In the past, women were expected to be subservient to their husbands. As a result, many women did not put up a fight against relationship abuse. Sadly, abuse was accepted and rarely questioned. The role of a woman was to please their man in every way. If they came up short, then they deserved it.

Since the feminist movement, an awareness of relationship violence has increased. In today’s society, it is expected that women be treated equally. To follow suit, boys are raised to treat girls with respect.

The change in society may explain why there is an increase in abuse on the part of women. This is not because women expect to be more powerful, but rather these particular women do not fear the consequences of abusing their men. In most cases, the abuse is emotional. These women want everything on their terms. Thus, they control their partners, make them feel guilty, and belittle them in order to get their way. Today, the majority of men do not fight back against female abuse, because they are taught to hold their partners with the utmost respect.

Respect is a critical part of any successful relationship. However, respect does not equate to an excuse for relationship abuse. The dynamics of abuse are becoming more difficult to identify as both sexes can equally be the perpetrators.

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What Is Domestic Abuse? Do Not Be Too Technical About The Whole Issue

November 7, 2010 by Leave a Comment

Your spouse has just got a fantastic job with a promotion and a he pay rise despite the recession. He or she requests you to quit your temporary job and move with him or her so that you can start life a fresh. You refuse. This leads to arguments and altercations. Can you say that you are a victim of domestic abuse because you’re not given the permission to follow your own career?

Well, if this issue is considered literally, there’s no doubt that you are a victim of domestic abuse. However, your lack of understanding and lack of desire to help the partner progress in career can be construed as domestic abuse. It can be described as abuse by you against your partner.

The issue is important because it affects the mental and physical well being of the individual. Remember, every relationship will have ups and downs because of disagreement between the partners. It need not necessarily qualify for domestic abuse.

Frequently accusing your partner of abuse and threatening to initiate legal action may itself qualify as a symptom of abuse on your part. Rather than focusing on legalities, you should focus on the health of your relationship. There are many couples that have numerous disagreements and yet continue to love each other and respect each other.

If you are satisfied with your relationship and if you feel that you have complete opportunity to live your life the way you want, then you would obviously conclude that such disagreements do not qualify as abuse.

However, if you are losing your individual entity and if you are merely becoming a puppet in the hands of your partner, there’s no doubt that it is very bad situation to be in. Your physical and mental health is going to be affected and you should take remedial action immediately.

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If Your Child is a Victim Consider Change in Schools

October 21, 2010 by Leave a Comment
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If you or your child have been sexually abused, you can make a civil case and take the offender o court. You can sue for damages for injuries and include the medical bills and lost wages also. Unfortunately, there is still such a social stigma involved with rape that the victim is traumatized not only physically but emotionally as well. Never the less, if there was unwanted touching, it is considered assault and battery. If some one has used their authority in an unreasonable or dishonest way, it is called unlawful restraint.

If you catch some one watching you or listening to you with out your permission, it is called invasion of privacy. When some one intentionally acts in a way that can cause you extreme distress emotionally, it is called negligent infliction of emotional distress.
If this has happened, this person has broken the law. They are the one who needs to stop his inappropriate actions and pay for the damages. They can no longer mess with your emotions and hurt or threaten you or your loved ones.

You or your child may have been abused by some one in authority. If they begin to show signs of shame or guilt and low self esteem, you should look into his schedule of activities deeper. Look for any bruises or if he is suddenly making excuses for not wanting to attend school. If the depression and detachment continue or get worse, you may need to consider changing schools for him. He may not feel safe enough to talk about it until he is out of the environment completely. You will need to make the first move for him.

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Filed Under: Domestic Abuse, Sexual Abuse Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Concerned About the Long Term

October 14, 2010 by Leave a Comment

Let’s say that you have been the victim of abuse. You have never mentioned it to any one but now you are concerned about the long term affects that it may have on your life and the people around you. The best advise for you is to begin right away to heal yourself. Strive to stretch out of your comfort zone a little bit more each day by improving the quality of your life now. Begin by reading stories about others who have overcome the type of abuse that you are now aware was a part of your life, also. Make a note of the things that everyone had in common and the things that worked for each person.

Next, continue to improve on your state of mind by stepping it up a notch and eating only good food, you know the fruits and nutritious vegetables. Lay off of the fast foods and put yourself on an exercise program. Maintain a firm schedule so that you will remember to exercise. Drop any activities that would have a negative effect on your day. Monitor your consumption of television shows and interactions with friends. Avoid listening to bad news all day long or friends who want to complain all day long.

Make better use of all that new free time that you now have available. Sign up for a new college class, learn how to play the piano. Discover yourself all over again. Soon, you may feel strong enough to want to talk about your abuse with some one or perhaps find a support group, even if it is just one online where you won’t even have to sign in. It will still make a difference in your healing. Clean out your closets and give away or throw out what you don’t want, you know what I mean.

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Filed Under: Domestic Abuse, Sexual Abuse Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

The Different Categories of Abuse

September 26, 2010 by Leave a Comment

Abuse can be classified into different categories. There is verbal and emotional abuse which can eventually pave the way to the psychological abuse. Even married women could suffer from sexual or financial abuse at the hands of their husband. The seed for abuse is often planted in the environment of the very young. This is often times the scenario for the more subtle and long-term abuse. This can be started at such a young age and so subtly that the victim is usually not even aware she has become a victim.

Violence in the family can often occur as well often following other forms of abuse.
The disclosure of sexual abuse by a family member is often difficult for the victim. Some choose not to speak up because they are concerned that their life and other family members will suffer even more so if this is exposed. Even those who try to understand and express their feelings have great difficulty with confusion and a constant denial. Whether they speak about it or not, they will experience flashbacks and probably nightmares.

Any one who is sexually abused or goes through other devastating trauma can be considered to suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. This is the same thing that our soldiers are treated for. They can feel a shock or uncontrollable rage. They all have their own personal triggers. Unfortunately, many survivors, especially of childhood abuse, resort to unhealthy coping methods. Some of these can be an acting out, stealing, acting in a promiscuous manor and difficulties with any boundary situations.
As an adult, a survivor of abuse can provide themselves with a sense of stability. It becomes difficult to trust any person or situation again. Some drop out of their lives because they do not trust themselves anymore and feel guilty for having put themselves in that situation.

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Filed Under: Domestic Abuse, Sexual Abuse Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

The Next Step

September 26, 2010 by Leave a Comment
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They call it the Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. This is when you feel your mind, body, and soul are all in a state of confusion. It is such a shock to your system that it fills you with terror to even go to that place, to just fast forward through the actions, to even verify if it actually happened. You tell yourself no, but you are aware that such raw emotion can only happen in real life. If there is also physical trauma, you feel a sense of relief, in a way, because at least you know that you have not lost your mind completely.

It is the same response for most, the initial reactions are all denial. You know that you are going to have to come up with certain ways of coping with the abuse. The question is how. Counseling is out of the question since you have already decided that no one needs to know what happened. How can you effectively deal with the trauma if the memories are still waiting to be resolved?

You can only cope with your abuser if you have found a safe place first. Start with your home and the people that you see every day. Avoid any one or any situation that makes you feel uncomfortable or trips any of your triggers. Begin by putting yourself first and be the nurturer of your child within. Get enough rest, start an exercise routine, eat nutritious foods. Do some thing to develop your self each day such as meditating, reading a good book or a bubble bath! You will soon begin to feel more balanced and will feel calm enough to look for the next step in your healing process.

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Treatments That Work The Best For Flashbacks

September 19, 2010 by Leave a Comment
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It is interesting to note that the available treatment for sexual assault and rape victims is the same treatment many of our soldiers require as they return home. The treatment is for what is called post traumatic stress disorder. This treatment can be effective with dealing with trauma including emotional, verbal, and psychological abuse. The treatments that work the best are behavioral and cognitive behavioral.

One technique is called stress inoculation training. They work this in three parts. First is the educating, then building the skills and applying them. This is how the person victimized learns and identifies the fears and anxieties and how they are triggered as they go about their day. They practice the exercises specially designed to help decrease these feelings. They will learn how to relax and breathe. They will practice acting out similar situations in a safe environment so that they can feel prepared and not threatened if some thing happens and triggers a panic attack or a flashback.

Often the signs and symptoms are sometimes thought to be completely forgotten until the memory of rape or abuse resurfaces in the form of a flashback. These can feel so real as they involve all of the senses. The victim will panic immediately since she works so hard at blocking this part of the memory out and banish it from consciousness. The victim needs the skills to handle being caught off guard like this any time of the day or night. The treatment will prepare them for these situations by role playing any similar situations while the victim is in a safe environment. When and if something is triggered during the daily routine, she will handle it and respond appropriately since she has practiced and prepared for it.

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Who Can Help With Anxiety Treatments

September 11, 2010 by Leave a Comment
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After a person is abused, it is easy for them to have the frequent flash backs. If the are prompted to see a doctor, the chances are that they will prescribe a drug to help in easing the anxiety that he feels. While this may help some, many try to avoid this because they say that the drugs are very often too strong and make them feel like zombies, and not themselves. They say that they would rather suffer through the feelings and the uneasiness and just spend the day in bed any way.

Th drugs are meant to fix the symptoms and work right away. Unfortunately, they are not a help in treating the cause so the victim develops another problem by becoming dependent on these medications. Either way, this is not good for the abuse victim and could possibly affect the mood and cause them to develop stronger anxiety disorders.
Some have friends who suggest that they try to meditate or do a natural health therapy. Although many victims will try almost any thing to feel better, mast of them have missed time from work as a result of their situation and money for the fees could be an issue.

This would not be the case if they had medical insurance in effect and natural health treatments were included in the offerings. a natural health treatment could very well help and would not produce any side effects for the patient. In the mean time, many abuse victims, those that have regained some of their fortitude, send there time reading and self healing. They slowly begin to feel stronger as they begin to make better choices including the foods they consume.

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