Emotional Abuse Can be as Painfal as Physical Abuse

December 21, 2010 by Leave a Comment

Emotional abuse is often overlooked, as it does not have proof like bruises or scars. However, emotional abuse is the most common type of abuse. It can occur in any type of relationship, between husband and wife, parent and child, boyfriend and girlfriend, and even between supposed friends.

Name-calling is the most obvious form of emotional abuse. This is not the occasional outburst that one later feels bad about. The name-calling is constant and is repeated even when the other person is doing their best to please.

Emotional abuse is prevalent among relationships and is not a random act, because it takes really knowing a person for the perpetrator to be able to conduct the abuse. An emotional abuser knows your fears and doubts and can play on those. For example, if you have a fear of a particular place or thing, the abuser will constantly throw it in your face and make you feel bad and humiliated.

Parents that use emotional abuse against their children as a control mechanism risk delayed development socially and mentally. Parents tend to abuse their children in this way intentionally sometimes out of malice, but it more commonly stems from a lack of confidence in traditional parenting skills. Examples of parental emotional abuse include teasing, constant criticism, name-calling, invalidation and abandonment.

Your emotional abuser likely makes you afraid to seek for help and may even make you feel like they are not the problem. Any form of abuse, whether physical or non-physical is not okay and it is never the victim’s fault. If you do not have the courage to access professional help, at least confide in a friend or family member who can seek help for you.

If you suspect a friend or a family member is in an abusive relationship, reach out to him immediately. Do not be aggressive, or else he might shut down. Listen and offer support.

Filed Under: Domestic Abuse, Sexual Abuse Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

How to Break the Pattern of Consecutive Abusive Relationships

December 8, 2010 by Leave a Comment

Abuse can occur in any type of relationship, whether it be between spouses, friends, co-workers, and parent and child. There are also different forms of abuse. Physical is the most obvious, while emotional abuse is the most common. Abuse is stemmed from a person’s desire to control another. It is easier to try and control someone you are close to, since you know their vulnerabilities. People who control others in an abusive relationship are likely to do so in other relationships.

You may have been in an abusive relationship and were able to leave it after some time. It takes a lot of courage and can be frightening, particularly if the perpetrator threatens you with violence, lack of money, or by ruining your reputation in some way. In some cases, victims of abusive relationships might undergo abuse in other future relationships.

Keep in mind that abuse stems from a longing for control. Some victims are more susceptible to control, perhaps because have a laid-back personality. In other cases, victims have been abused for so many years that they do not know any other way. Those who were victims of parental abuse, for example, are more likely to become victims in other relationships during adulthood.

Abuse is never the victim’s fault. However, if you find yourself getting out of one abusive relationship only to enter another, it may be time to reflect on this pattern. What is it that attracts you to these relationships? Does the controlling aspect initially make you feel secure? By figuring out these factors, you may help yourself break the pattern of abusive relationships.

It is hard to figure out the answers, especially if you have been a long-term victim of abuse. Counseling can help you recover from abuse and help give you the self-esteem and courage to break free from abusive cycles.

Filed Under: Sexual Abuse Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Who Says That Educated And Empowered Cannot Become Victims Of Abuse?

November 5, 2010 by Leave a Comment

Many persons believe that they cannot be victims of domestic abuse because they are educated, employed and having a life of their own. Further, they equate physical violence with domestic abuse. Since there is no physical violence, they conclude that they are not being abused in any manner.

Well, any person who is asked to hand over complete financial control to the other partner and who has not given the freedom to have a say in these matters is also a victim of abuse. Remember, excessive control is also a form of abuse.

This often leads to confusing thoughts because there are numerous instances where we have seen other persons in relationships being controlled by their partners. Well, whether the control is excessive enough to qualify for abuse is something that only you can decide. However, it is better to err on the side of caution.

If your partner is loving and caring and if he or she is simply excessively cautious as far as finance are concern, then it may not be abuse. If you have the freedom of taking your own decisions provided you consider what the other person has to say, it cannot be called as abuse. Of course, if you are given choice only for namesake and if you have no option but to obey whatever the other partner says, then it may qualify as domestic abuse.

Rather than focusing on semantics and rather than trying to get into detailed interpretation, you should look for combination of various factors to control whether the relationship itself is abusive or not.

If excessive control is combined with loss of temper, humiliating behavior and even perverse sexual demands in bed, it is obvious that your relationship is suffering from abuse. On the other hand, if none of these factors are present and if there is only a certain level of control in financial matters, it is merely over caution on the part of your partner.

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Filed Under: Disabilities, Domestic Abuse Tagged With: , ,

Do Not Try To Hide Behind Silly Justifications For Domestic Abuse

November 3, 2010 by Leave a Comment

This may sound odd but persons who are abused in a relationship often spend a lot of time and effort convincing themselves that they are not being abused. When people read about such stuff on the internet, they try to compare it with what they are suffering and conclude that it is not as bad as they read on the web. This sort of comparison is introduced into the equation and they conclude that they are not suffering from physical abuse.

In other cases, the fact that abuse has not been frequent is used as an excuse. If you find yourself giving such excuses, you should conclude that you are in an abusive relationship and that you should walk out of it immediately. It does not matter whether you have a formal relationship or whether you are simply living in with your abusive partner. Irrespective of the nature of relationship, you should take steps to eliminate the abuse as quickly as possible.

Why is this so important? There are numerous studies that have indicated that people in abusive relationships suffer a lot more than what they feel or think. There are numerous instances where individuals have been driven to suicide because of an abusive relationship. The controlling partner makes life miserable and leaves the individual with no choice but to take the easy way out.

The worst part is that there are numerous solutions available provided the individual takes the step ahead and discloses the same. There is no need to do everything publicly. Even an anonymous mail dropped in the mailbox or in the e-mail inbox of any organization supporting such persons should be sufficient to lead to action against the abusive partner.

There have been instances where law enforcement authorities have taken immediate action where they anticipated violence against the victim. Hence, you have nothing to worry and can easily move out of an abusive relationship if you play your cards right.

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Filed Under: Disabilities, Domestic Abuse Tagged With: , ,

Domestic Abuse – Numerous Official And Non Official Remedies Available

November 1, 2010 by Leave a Comment

What is preventing you from walking out of an abusive relationship? In most cases, it is a fear that the person may go out of control and may cause physical injury if you fulfill your threat to leave the relationship.

Well, nobody is asking you to be impulsive and put yourself at risk. However, there is a huge difference in taking steps to move out of relationship safely and sticking to it out of fear. You may feel scared to inform the abusive partner to his or her face that you are moving out. However, there is nothing stopping you from walking out of the house bag and baggage when he or she is not around.

What if you are stopped and what if you were treated with violence? Well, you have the right to walk into the nearest the police station and file a complaint. Informing the police that you have been abused will be sufficient to put your partner behind bars.

If you don’t want the matter to reach an official level, you can always have the law enforcement authorities have a word with your partner to lay off from troubling you. In most cases, the fact that you had the courage to walk up to law enforcement authorities will be sufficient to help the abusive partner subside.

If you are not comfortable walking into a police station on your own, you can make use of various support organizations that help people overcome domestic abuse. It may not be necessarily physical abuse. You will get advice on how to prove that you have been abused and how you can overcome the problem.

You will even get advice on how to get a job and how to get fun and joy back in your life. Getting support from third parties will also help you clarify many doubts that may be plaguing you.

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Filed Under: Disabilities, Domestic Abuse Tagged With: , ,

The Common Pattern of Domestic Abuse

August 15, 2010 by Leave a Comment
Acid attack victim, Cambodia, 2007
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Just like the circle of life, there is a definite circle in the pattern of abuse that, if left alone, will continue to turn, and keep on turning, until the abuse victim has escaped or is dead.  As this pattern is a circle, it is not always easy to identify a beginning, so let’s just start at what we might consider the normal part of this cycle.
The abuser has usually just repented of horrible verbal, emotional, and even physical abuse. Everything becomes perfect and it is so wonderful to the victim to see how much their partner truly loves them. At this phase nothing is too good for the injured party and the abuser does all in his/her power to make life beautiful.
In the next stage, the abuser becomes dissatisfied and every movement the victim makes is cause for the abuser to plan revenge.
The circle continues as the abuser then sets up the victim to commit a “wrong”. This could be anything from taking too long at the store to spending too much time with family. The abuser will justify any action or non-action to accuse the victim of anything ranging from insolence to immorality.
The circle then moves into insulting, belligerent, and ranting behavior that many times turns into aggression and violence. After the victim has been thoroughly chastised, mentally, emotionally, and physically, the next part of the pattern circles around to focus on the abuser’s guilt.
At this point the abusing partner seems filled with horrible guilt and remorse; they cannot do enough to show how sorry they feel. (Of course, he/she may also be worrying about what might happen if the proper authorities were to find out the extent of their abusive actions.)
And then we circle around once more to the point of forgiveness and normalcy- and off we go again.
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Filed Under: Domestic Abuse, General, Mental Health Tagged With: , , ,

Violence and Abuse Can Surface in all Genres of Domestic Relationships.

August 12, 2010 by Leave a Comment
The cover of the edition on domestic violence.
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As much as one might like to ignore or excuse domestic abuse, this unfortunate phenomenon seems to exist in every kind of conceivable relationship. From heterosexual marriages to same-sex relationships to living-together couples, domestic violence and abuse does and will happen when there is one partner who seeks to control the other.
And domestic abuse is about the control of one human being over another. Abuse is verbal, emotional and can escalate into physical violence.  This control comes in all forms and the purpose is to deny the victim any power over their life. The abuser demands control over the utmost details. This can include things like who the victim sees and who they can speak to, money, transportation, sometimes even the clothes they wear. This kind of spousal abuse occurs in every age group, financial status, and culture.
Not only can domestic violence and abuse happen to anyone, the abuser can be female as well as male. Yet, many times, this aspect of the abuse problem is often overlooked, excused, or denied. Some studies indicate that women abuse as much as men. The biggest difference in the abuse is that domestic violence generating from a woman is usually not as lethal as when a man is the abuser.
In 99% of abuse cases, a female victim will be treated with sympathy and concern; she will receive help and sanctuary. However many male victims are treated with contempt, disdain, or worse, ignored. Because of this most men do not report abuse and are denied needed help because of ridicule from those who should and can help.
A fact that modern society must come to terms with is that abuse is a problem that crosses every life style and every sexual orientation. It causes pain suffering and trauma. This is true even if the victim is male.
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Filed Under: Domestic Abuse, General, Mental Health Tagged With: , , ,

The Long Term Effects of Domestic Abuse

August 1, 2010 by Leave a Comment
Domestic violence against woman.
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The effects on a victim of domestic violence and abuse can be severe and long lasting. Besides the obvious physical danger that one can be in, with an abusive partner, there are other side effects that can be just as debilitating. Some of these issues can be in the mental health area; other side effects can be physical illnesses that develop from abuse and fear.

Of course, domestic violence is a top issue, as it cannot only physically hurt the victim, it can kill them. Chronic health issues from physical abuse can inflict a victim for the rest of their life. But there are also other issues to consider.

Long-term psychological effects of constant abuse are anxiety, depression and suicidal tendencies. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder is also a result of long-term abuse. These symptoms include nightmares and over-reactions to things like unexpected noises or surprises.

One long-term effect of domestic violence, that is usually not thought about, is the possibility of finding oneself broke and homeless. Many times, when a victim finally leaves the abusive circumstances, they have left everything behind without a hope of retrieving even personal items. Most domestic abuse victims have been completely controlled, right down to their bank accounts. Usually they have no way to access funds to make their escape to a better life even possible, let alone easy. It has been estimated that one third of the women who find themselves homeless are in that situation because of escaping an abusive partner.

Sometimes, abuse victims have been so controlled that they do not have the skills necessary to support themselves. If they have been lucky enough to escape with their children, the problem of support becomes compounded. This one issue has been found to be the major contributor in keeping an abuse victim from leaving the abuser and seeking help.

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