Why Stay With Him?

July 31, 2011 by Leave a Comment
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An unfortunately large number of women have a tendency to stay with men who treat them badly. Sadly, these women will often stay with a man, even if they’re beaten and emotionally abused on a regular basis. For a lot of these women, it seems the answer comes down to a simple case of attraction.

Most of the decisions people make in life are caused by their chemistry, including who they find sexually attractive. When a man demonstrates certain traits, many women will find him irresistable no matter what he does. It may make a woman sound stupid, but it has nothing to do with how intelligent she is. It all comes down to the fact that she considers the man to be sexy. This carries the unfortunate brand of having brought it on herself, even though that isn’t the case at all. Generally an abuser does this to feel powerful, or because he only knows how to be in a relationship where he causes someone else pain in some form.

Unfortunately, far too many women simply can’t convince themselves to leave a man who still gives them a thrilling rush when he isn’t beating or shouting at them. These women aren’t wrong, and they aren’t stupid either. They’re just victimized by their upbringings and their DNA. Many women are hard-wired to seek out the kinds of traits that make a man good in a particular setting — our cave-dwelling ancestry — that also happen to make many men into abusers.

Filed Under: Dating, Domestic Abuse Tagged With: , ,

Recognizing The Signs of Abuse

February 3, 2011 by Leave a Comment

It’s unfortunate to report this, but the least reported crime is domestic violence because of the fear of the abuser coming back after them. The abuser has a strong mental control over their victim that the fear stops them from reporting it. If someone doesn’t report it, the victim has to rely on someone else recognizing the signs of abuse in hopes of being saved.

When it comes to recognizing the signs of abuse, it’s important, and I mean important, to make sure what you’re witnessing is abuse. Falsely accusing someone is a serious thing that could create problems in your friendship. Reporting abuse because of a “felling” your have with zero evidence can create a lot of problems for the parties involved.

Go online to find the number to a domestic abuse hotline. Many states offer toll-free numbers that you can call anonymously.

Bruises will be the most common sign of abuse. If you see any bruises around the eyes or throat, that’s a huge sign of domestic abuse. Other areas would include the arms, abs and thighs. If the bruises are in different shades, this means there’s been more than one occasion of abuse. Contact the police immediately if you see this because it’s a huge sign of abuse.

Once you’ve noticed the bruises, ask the person how the bruises got there. Don’t directly ask if they’re being abused because they could be in denial or get really nervous. The most used excuse abuse victims will use is that it was an “accident” or they “fell.”

Notice any changes in their personality? If they go from calm to defensive, that’s a big sign they’re being abused. Victims will also stop hanging around with friends and completely isolate themselves to only hanging out with their boyfriend.

If you’re sure your friend is being abused and you have proof, report it to police right away.

Filed Under: Disabilities, Domestic Abuse Tagged With: , ,

Female Abusers are Not Uncommon

December 3, 2010 by Leave a Comment

When you think about relationship abuse, you are more likely to picture a man as an abuser and a female as a victim. Surprisingly, the number of female abusers is on the rise. There are a variety of factors for this, just as there are a number of psychological reasons why people abuse others in the first place. The fact remains that abusing is not just a man’s role, but women abuse men in their lives as well.

Abuse stems from control. In the past, women were expected to be subservient to their husbands. As a result, many women did not put up a fight against relationship abuse. Sadly, abuse was accepted and rarely questioned. The role of a woman was to please their man in every way. If they came up short, then they deserved it.

Since the feminist movement, an awareness of relationship violence has increased. In today’s society, it is expected that women be treated equally. To follow suit, boys are raised to treat girls with respect.

The change in society may explain why there is an increase in abuse on the part of women. This is not because women expect to be more powerful, but rather these particular women do not fear the consequences of abusing their men. In most cases, the abuse is emotional. These women want everything on their terms. Thus, they control their partners, make them feel guilty, and belittle them in order to get their way. Today, the majority of men do not fight back against female abuse, because they are taught to hold their partners with the utmost respect.

Respect is a critical part of any successful relationship. However, respect does not equate to an excuse for relationship abuse. The dynamics of abuse are becoming more difficult to identify as both sexes can equally be the perpetrators.

Filed Under: Sexual Abuse Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Domestic Violence Support Groups

October 18, 2010 by Leave a Comment
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If you are a victim of domestic violence, you may find it beneficial to go to a support group. At a support group, you can share your experience, as well as listen to what other people are going through.

When going to a support group for domestic violence victims, the location of the meetings are often private or may change frequently. That way, if there is a problem with an outsider, the group can still meet in a different location in order to avoid any abuse problems.

A Nashville drug treatment center has similar support groups, where each person goes around telling his or her story to the others. Often, victims need to share their experiences and get advice on what to do. They may need an outlet to talk about their situation, and a support group is the right place for this.

The leader of the group may give suggestions on what the victim can do. Support groups can also be very therapeutic for individuals, because it lets them know that they aren’t the only ones out there with problems. Support groups offer encouragement and hope for the future. If you are having a problem, you can discuss it with your group, and they can let you know whom you can contact to get help.

Support groups can be a safe place for someone who has a stalker. For some groups, you can remain anonymous about your exact situation but still find out plenty of information to help with your problem. While other members talk about their experiences, you don’t have to. You can sit and listen. When you feel comfortable, you can share your story with the group.

If you are a victim of domestic violence, make sure you get the help that you need. While family and friends may help, a support group may have more information.

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Filed Under: Dating, Disabilities, Domestic Abuse, Drug Treatment Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

What is the First Clue in Discovering Abuse?

August 13, 2010 by Leave a Comment
What is the first clue in discovering abuse? The first clue is that sickening feeling that makes one want to hide or in extreme cases, run- run as fast and as far away as possible. It is that feeling that crashes in on top of everything and almost paralyzes you. It is that gut-wrenching sensation that makes you physically ill and terrified to move.
It’s called fear.
If you have a fear of your spouse or partner; if you feel that nothing you do is right in their presence and that you must walk a very thin line to keep the peace; if you feel that at any minute you will do something to cause a domestic explosion, then it is time to pay attention to those feelings!
Fear of one’s spouse or partner is the first sign that you may have a domestic abuse problem. If you are experiencing this fear then it is time to take a serious look at your relationship and understand what is going on and how you got there.
In this case, fear is a good thing. It can cause a victim to wake up and pay attention; it can bring one to the point of understanding and acknowledging that something is not right in their domestic relationship.
This is not an easy thing to admit or adjust to. Many times a victim will blame themselves for any domestic abuse in their home. Fear can actually clear the victim’s head and help them to see that the circumstances in which they find themselves are not desirable or healthy. Fear can help a victim to desire a change from abuse so much that they will actually make it happen.
If you feel fear in your relationship, then trust it. The life you save may be your own.
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Filed Under: Domestic Abuse, General, Mental Health Tagged With: , ,