They call it the Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. This is when you feel your mind, body, and soul are all in a state of confusion. It is such a shock to your system that it fills you with terror to even go to that place, to just fast forward through the actions, to even verify if it actually happened. You tell yourself no, but you are aware that such raw emotion can only happen in real life. If there is also physical trauma, you feel a sense of relief, in a way, because at least you know that you have not lost your mind completely.
It is the same response for most, the initial reactions are all denial. You know that you are going to have to come up with certain ways of coping with the abuse. The question is how. Counseling is out of the question since you have already decided that no one needs to know what happened. How can you effectively deal with the trauma if the memories are still waiting to be resolved?
You can only cope with your abuser if you have found a safe place first. Start with your home and the people that you see every day. Avoid any one or any situation that makes you feel uncomfortable or trips any of your triggers. Begin by putting yourself first and be the nurturer of your child within. Get enough rest, start an exercise routine, eat nutritious foods. Do some thing to develop your self each day such as meditating, reading a good book or a bubble bath! You will soon begin to feel more balanced and will feel calm enough to look for the next step in your healing process.